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It's not possible to perform Nassim the same way twice, but it's all too easy to spoil the show for those who haven't seen it. We're reminded of a challenge Artists Repertory Theatre laid down when they staged Red Rabbit White Rabbit, which is also by Iranian playwright Nassim Soleimanpour: "We dare you not to Google for more."

The surprise they were trying to keep is now common knowledge—or at least, it's in the brochure. The cast of Nassim changes with every showing. The script is always totally new to the performer onstage, and they read it for the first time as the production unfolds. This device began out of necessity, during a time when Soleimanpour couldn't leave Iran—he now lives in Berlin—but it has since become a main pillar of his work.

A co-production of Boom Arts and Portland Center Stage, Soleimanpour's tight, 75-minute Nassim has even more surprises for both its audience and its main stars. We don't recommend researching more about it, but we do have a few tips that would be fine to know.

•Who is performing? On the show's opening night, we were lucky enough to have New York actor and comedian Larry Owens perform, so our show was full of Owens' bright, comedic, queer energy, as he worked the crowd, cracked jokes based on the musical Wicked, and burst into Béyonce songs during technical difficulties. 

By design, Nassim can function as a survey of an area's dramatic talent. Portland's run opened with Zia McCabe of the Dandy Warhols and even featured the Unipiper on Saturday.

We could tell the work will vary vastly depending on the performer. What would it be like from a dramatic powerhouse like Bobby Bermea (Wed April 24)? Or with the chaotic drag comedy of Kevin Cook AKA Poison Waters (Wed May 1)? Chris Williams, of Broke Gravy and Front Porch Sessions, will close out the run on Sunday, May 12, and we've seen his ability to play both wryly and with great sincerity. That'll be a good one. Here's a list of the show's performer schedule.

•Will you have to talk? No. There are a few audience recitation moments and even an opportunity to get up on stage, but the latter's quota is very small, so it will be filled by people who like that. For all its Fluxus, Nassim is still a work you can sit back and watch, but it's a little better if you do the recitation.

•Why is this play named Nassim? When considering a work, it's always important to step back and ask basic questions. Why should this piece be named for the playwright when his others aren't?

Nassim's two major themes, in our opinion, are language and introduction. The story of the play is both highly personal and deeply relatable, and that relatability makes the work easy to translate. Since its debut, Nassim has been translated and performed in Sweden, Mexico, China, Japan, and South Korea, among many others. The work carries a simple story from Soleimanpour's life, and it introduces him to the performer and the audience. It also introduces whomever is performing it, as they imbue the show with their own talent and personality.

Like we said, we don't recommend knowing much about Nassim, if you haven't read the other reviews—don't. At least, wait until after you've seen the show. Of the local reviews we've seen, one gave away seemingly every plot point, and the other ruined a pretty important surprise.

Going into detail about how the show unfolds takes away a lot of the magic, like when we caught our seatmate checking his watch, trying to time what was happening on stage. That's a legitimate goosebump, a moment of curiosity. That's the thing Nassim creates, in both its performers and in its audience: It's wonder, and it's delicate. 

Portland Center Stage and Boom Arts co-present Nassim at the Ellyn Bye Studio, 128 NW 11th Portland, through May 12, tickets here, $25-66.50, all ages

Scrolling through my news feed this morning causally reveals a thumbnail of a police officer's arm raised, gun in hand, mere seconds before firing and killing a youth with a toy gun. This is what we feature without shame. Yet 'exposure' of a unclothed human body is 'indecent' and 'harmful' enough to warrant an actual arrest as was demonstrated by literally the very next article in my feed: 'Grace Kelly arrested for indecent exposure'.

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! It's set to warm up a bit today, with a high of nearly 70 degrees. And you know what else is starting to warm up? Pizza ovens all around Portland in preparation for PIZZA WEEK, which starts on Monday. You're going to have a lot of ground to cover if you want to adequately indulge in all the offerings available to you this year.

Just be careful—as amazing as Pizza Week is, it can cause chaos amongst a person's relationships. My friend said that in their dash to eat as many $3 slices as possible last year, she and her Pizza Week comrades began to question the very foundation of their friendships. Trust me, you don't want to get into a screaming match on a stomach full of cheese, carbs, and Jim Beam. So plan ahead and prepare, but have fun.

Alright, I've said enough. And I'll say more, but about different stuff now. So keep reading if you're into that kind of thing.

IN LOCAL NEWS: 

• Right 2 Dream Too (AKA R2DToo), the self-managed tiny home village near the Moda Center, is on the brink of financial collapse. Without a lifeline soon, it may have to shut down within the next two months, kicking 60 people out onto the street. R2DToo has survived hardship before, but is this moment different? People are calling on the city and county to step in and save this well-known and established tiny home shelter once again.

• It's theater review day (one of my personal favorite days) at the Mercury: 

It's not possible to perform Nassim the same way twice, but it's all too easy to spoil the show for those who haven't seen it. Here’s a SPOILER FREE review. Also, since the dress rehearsal (pictured) they have switched this clock to 12-hour.https://t.co/Jx8UxMZ03L

— Suzette Smith (@suzettesmith) April 10, 2024  

• Governor Kotek's office has just lost its fourth staffer in a month. Kotek's Deputy General Counsel Lindsey Burrows announced her departure earlier this week, and intends to return to working as a criminal defense attorney. In her resignation letter, she cited the "critical shortage of qualified [defense] counsel" in Oregon as the main reason for her departure. But given the fact that three of Kotek's top aides left their posts at the end of last month, Burrows' resignation may raise more eyebrows about what's going on in the Governor's office (and does it have anything to do with Kotek's wife, Aimee Kotek Wilson, and her political ambitions?). 

Will his new polyamorous lifestyle endanger his current child custody agreement? Depends on where he lives! Dan Savage and a guest expert take on this thorny (and horny) legal issue in this week's SAVAGE LOVE!https://t.co/EvroQqIy6b

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) April 9, 2024

• Jury selection is underway for the Clackamas County court decision that may decide if Oswego Lake remains privatized (only the most elite of Lake Oswego residents are currently able to access the lake). This has seemed like B.S. to some, and two water sport enthusiasts acted on their anger in 2012, suing the city of Lake Oswego over their decision to privatize the lake. The plaintiffs cited Oregon law that states "all navigable waterways are public and must be accessible from public land"—hello, ever heard of the People's Coast?! The city defends its restrictions by saying all of us non-L.O. peons have "visual access to the lake," (??) so we should probably just count ourselves lucky for that. We'll see how the trial goes, but I suspect a ruling makes it harder for the people of Lake Oswego to practice their beloved NIMBYism will NOT be received well. I wouldn't start blowing up your inflatable chairs unless you're ready for a showdown. 

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS: 

• Yesterday, the Arizona Supreme Court voted 4-2 to uphold a nearly 200-year-old abortion ban, telling physicians they're "on notice that all abortions, except those necessary to save a woman's life, are illegal." But the law isn't technically in effect yet, and abortion providers say they will keep performing abortions through May, with opponents to the ban seeking ways to delay it. Regardless, news of the decision was not received well by liberal, pro-choice politicians as well as some more conservative ones, who are aware of the political repercussions abortion bans have proven to have since Roe v. Wade was overturned in 2022. It's a real shame that Arizonans, who are increasingly voting against madness (AKA, the state has gone blue in recent years), are subject to this kind of ruling. 

For just over a week, Mt. Etna, one of Europe’s most active volcanoes, has been spewing circular, mostly white smoke rings into the skies over Sicily. https://t.co/hcoxljVTEW

— The New York Times (@nytimes) April 10, 2024

• More bad news for Boeing, which is facing a lot of scrutiny after several near-disasters on their model 787 planes this year. A longtime engineer at the company went public yesterday, claiming he saw problems with plane production "shortcuts" that he believes may result in "catastrophic failure" if unchecked. Federal regulators are now looking into it. (All I'll say is I'm hoping this whistleblower remains safe.)

• Jennifer and James Crumbley—the parents of Ethan Crumbley, who killed four students in a 2021 Michigan school shooting—have been sentenced to 10 years in prison. The Crumbley parents are the first parents to be convicted in an American mass school shooting, despite calls to prosecute parents of mass shooters in the past. The difference, in this case, is that evidence suggests there were many occasions in which the Crumbleys could've intervened to prevent the shooting. The judge said the conviction isn't an indictment "about poor parenting," but rather a confirmation of a "repeated...lack of acts that could have halted an oncoming runaway train." 

• Now for a little bit of lighter news...an escaped mountain goat, stuck under a bridge in Kansas City, was rescued on Monday. The rescue became treacherous at times, as one of the first attempted rescuers decided to tie a rope around the animal in order to pull it up to safety (not a good idea!). When firefighters got involved, they were able to successfully save the goat, and he managed to get out unscathed. Thank god! I couldn't handle a dead mountain goat. The goat's name is Chug and he's cute. I wish for his future well-being and all the grass he can eat (or whatever else goats like). 

• Finally...may you have as fun of a Wednesday as Tamu did playing in mud. Adios for now!

Tamu is a muddy buddy pic.twitter.com/s6WvX37z9P

— Oregon Zoo (@OregonZoo) April 9, 2024

For a film that begins in 1910 during the Great Flood of Paris, The Beast feels achingly alive with the anxiety of existing in 2024. 

Based in part on Henry James’s 1903 novella, The Beast in the Jungle, about a man who believes his whole life is steered toward an impending catastrophe, the latest and tenth film by Bertrand Bonello finds that same “deep-seated feeling that something terrible will occur” in the heart of a woman named Gabrielle (Léa Seydoux), and bends eternity around it. Across three lifetimes, Seydoux plays a lovelorn woman who waits for doom. Whatever that doom is, it doesn’t matter; it might as well be the apocalypse. 

If that seems like the stuff of a great, sappy cinematic romance, it is, but the work of Bonello tends to refuse simple categories. The French multi-hyphenate (director-writer-composer) makes destabilizing films, ever-shifting emulsions of form and genre.

Especially in his films from the past decade, Bonello will often begin by telling one kind of story only to transform it, both suddenly and slowly, like an oil slick rainbowing across a puddle of rainwater, into another kind of story altogether.  

Zombi Child, from 2019, turns from teen paperback pulp to gothic period piece to supernatural drama. 2016’s Nocturama begins as a sleek thriller about young activists planning a terrorist attack before morphing into something else, then something else again. 

Like Gabrielle waiting for the metaphorical “beast” to swallow her whole, with a Bonello joint you’re always prepared for something to happen, for the whole film to veer into terrain both surreal and unsettling.

Splayed out over three narratives, The Beast opens in 1910. Gabrielle, a renowned pianist married to the owner of a successful Parisian doll factory, becomes reacquainted with Louis (George MacKay), a man she’d met some years before. He claims it was three years, while she swears it was six, but however long ago it was he hasn’t forgotten the secret she told him: She’s afraid of a huge, perilous, unknown event that will befall her. It’s a fear so pronounced, and so vague, it’s weighed heavily on every relationship she’s ever had. 

Fast-forward to 2014. This version of Gabrielle house-sits for a wealthy homeowner in LA while struggling to make it as an actor, or as a model, or as whatever it is she wanted to be when she decided to move to the States. She’s not so sure anymore, mostly mired in late nights at clubs and faceless days on set in front of green screens shooting barely-explained “woman in trouble” scenes, trying desperately to make sincere connections with the beautiful people around her.

Meanwhile, an incel iteration of Louis—a college student who blames his virginity at 30 years old on the wickedness of all women—stalks her silently, his video diatribes modeled not-so-surreptitiously on those of Santa Barbara mass-murderer Elliott Rodger.

In 2044—shot in a 4:3 aspect ratio by Bonello’s regular cinematographer Josée Deshaies—Gabrielle reluctantly undergoes a goopy procedure to revisit her past lives with the intention of scrubbing their trauma from her DNA.

Led by artificial intelligence, society has eradicated most problems, as well as most human emotion (called “affects” in futurespeak). The scrubbing happens via a past-life rejuvenation procedure, which generally involves submerging oneself in a bathtub of black goo like Baron Harkkonen in the other major film this year to feature a bathtub of black goo, Dune: Part Two.

As Gabrielle reviews her previous selves—and the film sways between them—she crosses paths with 2044 Louis, hoping that in this life they can finally be together. The future she traverses is a melange of sci-fi movies, with echoes of Jean-luc Godard’s Alphaville, or George Lucas’s THX 1138, or even Minority Report with the whole “vat of goo” motif. Similarly, Gabrielle visits night clubs with years for themes, like club “1972,” where DJs play the Pointer Sisters, or club “1980” where everyone dresses like Robert Smith and Boy George. 

One night, Gabrielle briefly asks a fellow reveler why the club is themed like 1972. He doesn’t know, because there is no point to it, it just is like that—all this in a movie that is both a period piece and a critique of period pieces.

It’s as if Gabrielle of 2044 skimming her past lives is no less passive an act than watching a lavish adaptation of a Henry James novella, or a Lynchian neo-noir, or a slasher, or a stolid bit of retro sci-fi. We think we have a solid “representation” of a lost time and forget that it’s all performance, mitigated through endless screens—green, computer, phone, TV, movie—to keep us disconnected from one another. And Bonello heaps in genre signifiers, piling artifice on top of artifice.

The Beast threatens to tear at the seams, but Seydoux’s and MacKay’s chemistry holds it together, believable even when their relationship becomes violent. Seydoux’s performance is especially astounding as it changes, her soul bound to a palpable loneliness through time. 

And we haven't even touched on the animatronic doll in creepy sunglasses, nor the clips from Harmony Korine’s Trash Humpers that infect Gabrielle’s computer like a virus, nor the many covers of Roy Orbison’s “Evergreen.” It can be a lot to balance, but Bonello does so dazzlingly. Cramming several movies into one, he delivers a deeply affecting, surprisingly delightful treatise on modern dread. 

The Beast opens at Cinema 21 on Thurs April 11. 

It’s starting to feel a lot like spring, and we’re basking in all the projects blossoming in our music scene. We recently had the pleasure of celebrating Jonny Cool’s contribution to Ella Mai’s single“DMFU,” which reached certified gold status last year. We're bumping Mat Randol’s new EP, The World Keeps Spinning, and also looking ahead to a 4/20 show at Jack London Revue featuring Julia Logue and BrandonLee Cierley. Let’s get into all of it Hear in Portland.

Upcoming local event(s) featuring local artist(s). 

In early 2024, we applauded Welcome to Your Sunrise, the debut album from Portland-based soul singer-songwriter Julia Logue. This week we’re stoked to also recommend an upcoming show: Soul'd Out Presents Julia Logue + BrandonLee Cierley at Jack London Revue. At the heart of Logue’s jazz-inspired nine-track project is an breathtaking collection of songs where she asks a slew of introspective questions, working through things like self-doubt, her place in the world, her connection to others, and how to trust herself. Impressive vocal flourishes and guitar-led songwriting abound, and we’re obsessed with the ethereal and expansive album opener “Roam,” as well as the cheeky “See You Smile,” and the R&B-infused vocals on the poignant “Fort.” The show also co-headlines Tacoma-to-Portland saxophonist BrandonLee Cierley, who will no-doubt be performing tracks from his two-pack EP Thank You For Waiting. (Jack London Revue, 529 SW 4th, Sat April 20, 8 pm,. $20-180, tickets here, 21+) 

New release(s) from a Portland-relevant artist. 

On March 29, North Portland and St. Johns rapper Mat Randol released a new EP called The World Keeps Spinning via his new imprint Neu Beginin Network (NBG) that’s co-produced by two Portland beatmakers, Goldenbeets and Sxlxmxn. Opening track “Axis” invites us in with a jazzy piano riff, and the subsequent “Fast Forward” feels reminiscent of Ye’s Graduation. Other stand outs include “Real Is This” featuring Portland rapper Brill, “Dream Catcher” featuring Chicago vocalist Morgan Gold, and “Carousel” featuring vocalizations by New York singer/rapper Gio Genesis. “We started this collection of music back in January ‘23 which started out as an ode to my team and the brotherhood we’ve shared for 20 years now,” Randol wrote in an Instagram post caption sharing the album artwork. “Obviously the year took its twists and turns with the passing of my mom and grandma, so the project has taken on a different meaning. No matter what challenges that may come my way from here on out, ‘THE WORLD WILL KEEP SPINNING’ regardless.”

<a href="https://matrandolnbg.bandcamp.com/album/the-world-keeps-spinning-ep">The World Keeps Spinning (EP) by Mat Randol</a>

Some upcoming music buzz to add to your radar.

Whether you find rapper Kyle unbearably corny or refreshingly genuine, one cannot deny the impact his role has had on modern day hip-hop. We here at the Mercury have been longtime fans of the rapper-singer’s perspective and approach to hip-hop. Far from the stereotypical rapper, Kyle’s not slinging hyper masculinity or machismo, but instead puts forth a friendly, nerdy, nice guy image and music that’s often bright, poppy, and sweet. And Kyle is a pro at punctuating his earnest rap verses with velvety R&B vocals. (In fact, it’s that very duality—corny and cool, nerdy and smooth—that made Kyle such a perfect casting choice to star as Owen in the 2018 comedy The After Party.)

In early March, Kyle released his seventh studio album, Smyle Again, the sequel to 2015’s Smyle—although the new project doesn’t share a ton of sonic similarities with the first. One of the most notable and impactful tracks on Smyle Again is “Sweetest Thing,” which was written through the pains of grief that helped Kyle process a breakup that happened shortly before the death of his father. Kyle has shared the story about showing up to a studio session scheduled with Shawn Mendes, who created a safe space for him to create something beautiful out of that pain. Kyle’s emotion is raw and palpable on the track, and he can even be heard audibly crying as he shakily delivers the sweet lines he wrote to his father: “Hey, Father, I hope that you're alright/ I got to hold your hand in my dream last night.”

Folks should hope to hear a live rendition of the song at Kyle’s Portland show this May, along with other album standouts like “Who’s Taking You Home,” and “Somethin Bout You.” We're also hoping for classics and deeper cuts on the setlist. I’ll personally be crossing my fingers to hear Kyle perform danceable 9-year-old bops like “The Force,”“Summertime Soul,”“Really? Yeah!” and the electronic, video game-inspired sonics on “Don’t Want to Fall in Love,”“Endless Summer Symphony,” and the slow-building dance grooves of “All 4 U.”(Star Theater, 13 NW 6th, Sat May 11, 9 pm, $25-100, tickets here, all ages)

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Hope you loved yesterday's sun, because the clouds (and possible showers) return today with a high of 64. So stay inside and dream of the Mercury's PIZZA WEEK which begins this coming Monday, and will make you forget all about terrible weather with those delicious $3 slices! And now here's yet another seamless segue... into today's NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Portland City Council has voted in favor of paying nearly $167,000 to settle a lawsuit alleging that Mayor Wheeler and city officials wrongly withheld tens of thousands of communications between each other in violation of public records laws. Turns out these texts were delivered via iMessage which were unable to be archived by the city's current public records system, and this is important: "Despite signing a city agreement pledging not to use iMessage, Wheeler and others used the program for years, effectively shielding his communications from the public eye." And worse still, the city was able to settle this case without admitting any wrongdoing. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

About 90% of all public testimony at today’s first budget hearing has been asking @tedwheeler@CommMapps@CommRubio@DanRyanPDX@CommissionerRG to keep their promise to fully fund and expand PSR, not cut it 80%. #SavePSR

Watch anytime on YouTube: https://t.co/ccywK5fYbs

— Friends of Portland Street Response (@FriendsofPSR) April 11, 2024

• Earlier this week, a Cowlitz County judge in Washington state overturned a ban on high capacity gun magazines, and in the 90 minutes before the state's Supreme Court could temporarily revive the ban, a Kelso gun store owner sold HUNDREDS of these deadly magazines to hundreds of customers. The ban is expected to get another hearing on April 17, and could be finally decided by the Washington Supremes. Naturally the gun shop owner is complaining that the state's ban is hurting his deadly weapon business—HOW DARE THEY??—and vows that if the ban holds, he'll take it to the Trump-friendly US Supreme Court (which could ensure that millions more innocent people and children are murdered for the enjoyment of an insecure person's hobby).

• While Washington state residents are excited about getting their very own In-N-Out burger, folks in nearby Beaverton are waiting to see if they'll get an In-N-Out of their own. The popular (I would call it "overrated") burger joint has had trouble gaining a permit to build in a lot at 10565 SW Beaverton Hillsdale Highway, due to being unable to meet land use requirements and concerns from neighbors that the business will lead to traffic backups and lotsa garbage. A final decision is expected in April—but maybe they could put one in that now empty downtown Portland Buffalo Wild Wings? (Overrated it may be... but still VASTLY BETTER than Wild Wings!)

Bertrand Bonello crammed so much into The Beast, that it threatens to tear at the seams, but the chemistry between Léa Seydoux and George MacKay holds it together. @SinacoLad reviews the new sci-fi, time travel romance opening tomorrow at Cinema 21.https://t.co/egLf1T7Yqf

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) April 10, 2024

• Don't miss Jenni Moore's very excellent new edition of HEAR IN PORTLAND, in which she shares must-hear info about Rapper Mat Randol's new EP "The World Keeps Spinning," an upcoming Jack London show featuring soul singer/songwriter Julia Logue backed by saxophonist BrandonLee Cierley, and lots more great stuff to cram in your ears!

Get your tickets NOW for the funniest comedy game show in town, TWO EVILS with Arlo Weierhauser & Kate Murphy! The audience will compete against special guest ZAK TOSCANI for fabulous (and only slightly evil) prizes. Hurry before it sells out! https://t.co/ng0ejXvYM1

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) April 10, 2024

IN NATIONAL/ WORLD NEWS:

• Former football star and acquitted murderer OJ Simpson has died at the age of 76 from prostate cancer, according to his family. While he as acquitted in 1995 of the brutal stabbing murders of his then wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ronald Goldman, he was later found civilly liable for both homicides. (So no "RIP" here.)

Today is ripe for a reminder that Forrest Gump 2 would've given us Forrest Gump in the back of the white bronco pic.twitter.com/1jJO9QCHvA

— D Cynicalcola (@SinacoLad) April 11, 2024

• Arizona Republicans are digging themselves even deeper into their self-created pile of shit, and are refusing calls to repeal the1864 law that criminalizes abortion statewide, unless the person's life is at risk. When Democrat and some Republican state lawmakers attempted to bring the topic up for discussion, GOP leadership immediately shut them down, prompting yells of "Shame! Shame!" from the Dems.

• Meanwhile, President Biden is using the idiocy exhibited by Arizona Republicans to his advantage, launching an advertising blitz across the state to highlight Trump's various stances on abortion and his ties to Christian extremists.

A live-action ‘MONOPOLY’ movie will be produced by Margot Robbie. pic.twitter.com/1KmokFMP2F

— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) April 10, 2024

• Oh, and back on the topic of Trump... I'm just going to leave this one right here to speak for itself: "A New Hampshire county chair for Donald Trump’s presidential campaign lost his job as a police officer in 2006 after he threatened to kill his colleagues and rape the police chief’s wife in retaliation for his suspension for having a relationship with an underage high school girl, according to an internal report released last week upon orders from the New Hampshire Supreme Court." Sounds about right!

• And finally... and now, a live stream of the Mercury's weekly editorial meeting.

Chinese Theatre Special Effects pic.twitter.com/sPeyObgFYC

— Interesting Things (@interesting_aIl) April 10, 2024

HOLA, BRAINIAC! It's time once again to put your brainy-brain to the test with this week's edition of POP QUIZ PDX—our weekly, local, sassy-ass trivia quiz. And this week, your brain will be tested on spoiled rich locals, how Pioneer Courthouse Square came to be, and the fate of the greatest restaurant in the history of Portland (and winner of 27 James Beard awards)... BUFFALO WILD WINGS! 😁

But first, how did you do on the previous quiz? Pretty dang good! And let's hear it for the Oregon Zoo's Eddie the Slam-Dunking Otter who the majority of you rightly identified as the greatest animal athlete of ALLLLLL TIIIIIME! (Twiggy the Water-Skiing Squirrel is pissed.) 🐿

OKAY, TIME FOR A NEW QUIZ! Take this week's quiz below, take our previous pop quizzes here, and come back next week for a brand spankin' new quiz! (Having a tough time answering this quiz? It's probably because you aren't getting Mercury newsletters! HINT! HINT!) Now crank up that cerebellum, because it's time to get BRAINY!

Create your own user feedback survey

To the dude in the sauna at Everett House *loudly* guzzling water from a gallon jug of Arrowhead and sucking back snot: fuck yourself. I got out of there as soon as it occurred to me that you were infirm but not before catching your illness. Why are you like this? What possessed you to go to a public sauna sick?! You're selfish and and an asshole. Next time stay home with your gross ass, maybe take a few hot showers and wait to not be sick before ruining everyone else's week. Fuck you.

You’re are so performative with your advocacy. It’s honestly embarrassing. You absolutely lack any amount of self awareness. You have caused immense harm to other people but act like you are doing so much for others. You’re not charitable. You’re an awful mother and human being parading around your do-good acts for validation. You are bothered by the use of “struggle bus”? Really? But it’s ok to call people “psycho” and “crazy”? Good luck selling that house!

No matter how diligent I am about turning off all auto play settings on all my accounts, devices, and even thumbnail settings, videos still start playing by themselves. Moving images are not only incredibly distracting, but often are disturbing to the mind. Not to mention that they often feature content that I don't wish to see. It's sad that this was quickly adopted as the norm as soon as the technology became available and able to be implemented (no surprise), but we need to change this as a society.

Aerosmith will walk this way on their Farewell tour and you won’t want to miss a thing! California-based regional Mexican quintet Fuerza Regida have also dropped dates for their Pero No Te Enamores tour. Plus, comedy longtimer Wanda Sykes will bring the laughs on her Please & Thank You tour, but expect more cutting cynicism than politeness. Read on for details on those and other newly announced events, plus some news you can use.

Tickets go on sale at 10 am unless otherwise noted.

MUSIC

2024 Americana Harvest Fest: Rayland Baxter 
Topaz Farm (Fri July 26)

Aerosmith: PEACE OUT The Farewell Tour 
Moda Center (Thurs Nov 21)

The Airborne Toxic Event 
Crystal Ballroom (Sun Oct 13)

Regarding the giant piles of mulch that appear in parking spots all over the neighborhoods this time of year, but quickly migrate into the middle of the street and limit car and bike traffic: dudes. I'm happy you killed your water-sucking lawns, and I bet you didn't realize you'd need to re-mulch every year or two to prevent your yard from turning into weed central (not the cannabis kind). But seriously, wait to have it delivered until you (or maybe your landscaper) are ready to distribute the whole pile away from the street and onto your garden. The piles that last weeks are a nuisance. Buy beer and have friends over to help. Also, that giant chunky yellow mulch is for playgrounds. You want medium dark hemlock, you're welcome. Thanks for taking care of your yard though, I do love all your lovely plants.

Who's ready to have some fun? Well, the Mercury is here to help with FREE TICKETS to see some of Portland's best concerts and events—our way of saying thanks to our great readers and spread the word about some fantastic upcoming performances! (Psst... if you want to say thanks to the Mercury, please consider making a small monthly contribution to keep us alive and kickin'!) And oh boy, do we have some fun events coming at ya this week! CHECK IT OUT!

• Enter to WIN FREE TICKETS to see Imani Winds + Bodyvox on April 2 at The Reser! 

A wildly entertaining fusion of music and motion awaits! BEAUTIFUL EVERYTHING is an evening of inspiring music, audacious dance, jaw-dropping costumes, and rich video environments... a fully immersive and utterly unforgettable experience. Featuring the dynamic Imani Winds with Portland's dance darlings BodyVox for a co-production with Chamber Music Northwest April 19-21 at The Reser. Get your tickets now, or enter to win here!

Patricia Reser Center for the Arts, 12625 SW Crescent, Beaverton, April 19-21, various times, $14-$71, all-ages

• Enter to WIN FREE TICKETS to see Two Evils with Arlo & Kate on April 24 at the Siren Theater!

Looking for a hilarious, live comedy show where YOU can walk away with a fabulous PRIZE (or two)? You're in luck, because comedians Arlo Weierhauser and Kate Murphy are your hosts for the most diabolical, hilarious, and EVIL live game show in town: TWO EVILS! Join Arlo and Kate as they ask a series of truly evil questions, and it’s up to our special guest contestant (ZAK TOSCANI😍) and the audience (who will vote on their phones) to decide between TWO VERY EVIL ANSWERS. Are there prizes? You bet your butt! Is there comedy? Oh, absolutely! Get your tickets now, or enter to win free tix here!

Siren Theater, 3913 N Mississippi, Wed April 24, $15, 18+

GOOD LUCK! Winners will be notified on Monday. Check back next week for more FREE TIX from the Mercury!

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

Expand by clicking the pic or this link!

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

Tired: Portland is weird. Wired: Portland is sexy! Inspired: Portland is CUTE! 

Sure, we’re a messy collection of normies, snobs, and freaks, but you better believe we’re adorable, too. Every last one of us. And some special citizens are cuter than most. They are the venerated… the squee-worthy… the very reason that the heart-eyes emoji exists. Friends, I present to you: Portland’s Cutest Creatures.*

Tamu—whose name means sweetness—has been mostly out of public view since his birth at the zoo last December, but on the day I visited, they opened a gate to allow him space to frolic. Alas, he and his mom were afraid of the smell of their new scale used to weigh Tamu, so they stayed hidden. (Did you know rhinos are highly particular creatures? Now you do!) Zoo officials will keep letting him explore his habitat, and visitors can expect to see more and more of him as the weather warms up!

Timber and Thorn aren’t siblings by blood, but they’ve built brotha-from-anotha-motha bonds since coming to the zoo from Alaska. They aren’t quite a year old, so they’re still kinda scrawny—but as adults they can hit 500 lbs, and stand between 5-6 ft tall. Wow! A favorite activity is rooting around in paper bags to find hidden treats of dried bugs. The brothers sleep together like freakin’ kitty cats, and zoo handlers say that they’re at their cutest first thing in the morning, when they are sleepy and have beary messy bedhead.

Filbert and Maple are the zoo’s Instagram page stars, and they love nothing more than takin’ pics and chompin’ sticks. And it’s a good thing they like grinding their pearly whites on the foliage—this is what keeps their teeth from getting too long and unhealthy! While tiny beaver babies would be adorable, don’t expect a next generation from this pair; they are platonic life partners, nothing more. (Maple even has a little beaver IUD! Those exist!!) It’s a beaver state; we’re just living in it.

Don’t tell the other animals, but when I chatted with zoo staff about who they all thought was the cutest, Moshu was frequently named! She exploits her impossibly perfect face for all the bamboo and apple snacks she can fit into her impossibly perfect face. Moshu is getting up there in years and spends a lot of time sleeping, so it can be hard to peep her in person. Rumor has it she’s most active in the mornings, but only for about a half-hour, so if you do get to see her moving around, this means that you are a chosen person, and destined for great things!

Takeoff does not let his giganticness stop him from flopping onto his back at your feet to demand belly rubs. He found himself at the Humane Society when his family lost their housing—it can be hard to rent with a big dog!—but he was clearly very loved. He would not stop shaking my hand, and I’m sure it’s his friendly nature and not because of the snacks I was dishing out. Quite honestly, there has never been a more boopable schnoz.

There’s a litter of three creatures at the Humane Society that are purportedly puppies, but could easily be mistaken for small brown sheep with crimped perms. Their names are Rikki, Tikki, and Tavi, they are some kind of shepherd mix, and their mass is approximately 90 percent floof. Fun fact: puppies take a ton of work for shelters—they’re messy, need frequent help, and are most at risk for getting sick—so shelters try to get them in and out as fast as possible. If you’re looking to adopt a dog, don’t feel bad about picking out a puppy, because they need it!

Oliver and Millie are gorgeous Persian pals who were left behind when their humans moved. Outrageous! Who could leave such perfect faces behind?! Sure, these faces are prone to crusty boogers and could cause the cats breathing problems, but what they lack in snout length they more than make up for in softness, sweetness, and you guessed it… cuteness.

My dog, Dolly Walnuts. With only one eyeball you’d think her vision would be limited, but no—she sees every single bus, bird, and garbage truck, and she hates them all! She enjoys quietly sitting on my lap when I’m in work meetings and only barking when it’s my turn to unmute and talk. She’s a 17 lb disaster and my very best friend.

 ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 *Did I demand this assignment to gain private access to the zoo and humane society so I could pet animals? Yes, obviously this is what I did! What… like you wouldn’t have?

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

What better cheerleaders could Portland ask for than drag artists? They gossip, they make out with guys in letterman jackets behind dumpsters, and they amp everyone up with their pep, musicality, and choreography, right when the home team looks down for the count. 

These artists show up night after night, as many have for the past decade or longer. Some will be remembered for their looks, for the ways they interpret music, for their comedy, or their consistently fresh routines. It’s tempting to say “and some will be remembered for none of these things,” but the honest truth is they work toward and realize this city’s dream: to be such a self-actualized weirdo that one can walk in the door and get handed money by strangers.

This article could easily turn into a book, considering how many high caliber drag talents Portland has, but we have to start somewhere. If you don’t already know these performers, get familiar:  

Alexis Campbell Starr’s voice is rich with the diction and conviction of a saved woman–who might eat from the offering plate. But this reigning Rose Empress doesn’t reach for easy Christian jokes, instead using proper church vocabulary to humorously address the congregated apostles and apostates. Campbell Starr regularly advocates and fundraises for HIV research and patient support. A resident cast member of Darcelle XV Showplace, Campbell Starr often performs stirring gospel hymns in her repertoire of secular pop and R&B songs—but her reads will get you right with Jesus. Campbell Starr is so charismatic, it’s a wonder RuPaul hasn’t found her yet. 

Alexis performs regularly at Darcelle XV Showplace, 208 NW 3rd

Poison Waters recently said you don’t have a roast if Valerie DeVille isn’t on your dais. DeVille wears barbs like badges of honor, proudly answering to “homewrecking whore” and “rotted bitch.” The sour-faced sweetheart models herself after toxic but iconic stage moms (like Patsy Ramsey and Danielle Staub), and stands out in the pantheon of Cruella wig wearers—from Manilla Luzon and Porcelain Black to Nicki Minaj and Emma Stone—for her moxie and clownish physicality. But unlike that Disney villain, DeVille has a soft spot for animals, and once starred in a pet adoption billboard campaign, cuddling a puppy and sneering at traffic.

Valerie performs regularly around town, and hosts Drag Queen Paint Party at Bottle & Bottega, 1406 SW Broadway

Diva Dott studied closely under her drag mother, the late artist Patrick Buckmaster, to become one of Portland’s most delightfully deranged drag artists. Dott hosts and performs in revues featuring casts with all body types, gender expressions, and kink tolerance. Next to nothing disgusts her, and next to nothing is outside her imagination. Over the past decade, Dott has honed her out-there pop culture references and year-round punk hooker aesthetic to stand out on her own. On her journey from club kid to leading event producer, Dott has become known and highly regarded as a filthy, nasty gal with a heart of gold. 

Diva regularly performs at CC Slaughters (219 NW Davis) and Back2Earth (3536 NE MLK Blvd)

Drag queens from your favorite reality contests call Portland’s Jocelyn Knobs whenever they need a truly over-the-top costume. Knobs has designed playful, imaginative, and rhinestone encrusted looks for RuPaul’s Drag Race contestants Lala Ri, Kornbread “The Snack” Jeté, and Irene Dubois, as well as Drag Latina’s Queen Andrew Scott. Despite her brushes with fame, Knobs’ costumes are still affordable for many Portland queens, and she’s polished her craft considerably since 2018, which is no shade by any means. Who knows how much longer it’ll be before she’s ready for a close-up of her own? 

Jocelyn regularly performs at the Clinton Street Theater (2522 SE Clinton)

Performing and producing duo Max Little and Mars have hosted drag shows featuring drag kings, trans, and nonbinary artists, as well as proudly self-styled monsters and “drag things” for nearly a decade. The duo’s shows can be simple as spotlighting ‘90s hunks, or as high concept as exploring our solar system, planet-by-planet. Above all else, they’re fun. Max and Mars also collaborate offstage. They commemorated one of their first revues in their documentary Goodbye Haute Glue (2021), as well as performed in their experimental variety web series, Magic Night at the Trans Bar!, an unapologetically queer (trans and weird) take on Tim & Eric’s absurdist humor.

Max & Mars perform regularly at Black Water Bar, 835 NE Broadway

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

As someone who briefly braved the trenches of bookstore work (I was a “generalist” at Powell’s during the pandemic), my appreciation for our city’s bookstores is unshakable. Luckily for me (and for all of us), Portland takes its bookstores seriously, and the city’s book-digging options have expanded in recent years to include genre-driven stores and rare book haunts. Here are five shops that deserve a second browse.

Parallel Worlds, a sweet, turquoise-walled shop with a kaleidoscopic quilted banner by local artist Biz Miller draped above the cash register, is also a sprawling cosmos of books to get lost in—the science fiction- and fantasy-themed store, which celebrates its second anniversary at the end of April, is thronged with spacey reads. One wall showcases covers of vintage mass-market paperbacks, complete with unicorns, martians, and breastplated women framed by chunky typefaces. Although my reading taste trends toward the earthbound end of the spectrum, I’m still a disciple of Octavia Butler and Ursula K. Le Guin, so copies of Kindred and The Lathe of Heaven stood out. (The shop is planning another Ursula birthday celebration this year, too.) Owner Sam Jones is jazzed about Parallel Worlds’s new horror writing section, which includes titles by women and LGBTQ+ authors. The store’s book club, run by shop hand Shayna Hodge, is also a hit—it’s expanded to include trivia nights, book swaps, and offshoot clubs for specific book series.

2639 NE Alberta. Open Weds-Sun 12-6 pm

If you’ve ever been dorkily enraptured by the local history books in the Oregon Historical Society’s gift shop, first of all: same. Also, you’ll likely love the roomy South Portland bookshop Chaparral Books, which specializes in rare and collectible tomes on Native American and Western Americana themes. I found plenty on old Portland and Indigenous peoples of the Pacific Northwest, but the store has a far wider selection than that; there are extensive literature, children’s, and biography sections, and a whole room of art books. Prices are reasonable, too—I spotted a cool San Juan Island birding book for $4, and a signed Annie Dillard first edition was $25. But Chaparral is, above all, the kind of bookstore that causes one to freeze and launch into a full-on existential crisis about their career path. (Wouldn’t you rather spend all day in a warmly lit, wooden-floored space, surrounded by old books and perfectly maintained plants in ceramic pots?)

5210 S Corbett. Open daily 10-6 pm

This bookstore scores 300 bonus points (yes, there’s a point system—try to keep up) for its three hospitable shop cats, Bruno, Sylvie, and Tommy. And while the homey storefront is only open on Saturdays and by appointment, Crooked House’s quirky volumes also pop up at rare book fetes like the Seattle Antiquarian Book Fair, Rare Books LA, and Rose City Book & Paper Fair. Perhaps evidenced by its name, Crooked House specializes in all things off-kilter—think rare vintage domestica, instructional pamphlets, pop-up books, miniature tomes, decorative bindings, and paper ephemera. It’s the kind of stuff an Antiques Roadshow appraiser in a funky suit might appreciate. I recommend heading there if you’re in search of a gift your mom actually won’t find anywhere else, or if you’re looking to cultivate a book collection that says “I’m peculiar in a cool way, à la Bella Baxter in Poor Things.”

1602 NE 40th. Open Sat 11 am-5 pm, or by appointment

Although Grand Gesture Books hasn’t yet found its brick-and-mortar home, I’d be a dummy to leave Portland’s newest Black woman-owned romance bookstore off this list. Owner Katherine Morgan, who scores 100 bonus points for her housecat, Ramona, also curates the romance section at Powell’s Books (and happens to be one of my favorite Twitter follows). Currently, Grand Gesture’s bodice-rippers can be drooled over on Bookshop.org. (I suggest snagging a book by Kennedy Ryan—“I don’t know what she puts in her books, but I eat it up every time,” says Morgan.) The shop has also raised funds for Gaza relief efforts, and Morgan has launched three steamy in-person book clubs. They’re “for all your romance needs,” she explained. “One is all about variety, one is for the LGBTQIA+ community, and one aims to be quite spicy.”

Online at bookshop.org/shop/grandgesturebooks

One of the finest moments in cinema history was the unveiling of You’ve Got Mail’s Shop Around the Corner, an Upper West Side twinkle-lit haven for Beatrix Potter and Roald Dahl books. (In one scene, Meg Ryan dons a conical hennin and reads to eager-eared children.) Green Bean Books, a children’s bookstore on Alberta, conjures a surprising amount of Shop Around the Corner’s charm, except it’s better, because it’s, you know… real. On a recent visit, Portishead’s Dummy spilled smoothly from the speakers as I noted the stuffed animals tucked into every nook and cranny of the store—stuffed soup, stuffed mice, stuffed acorns, stuffed rockhopper penguins. And because I am still capable of childlike wonder, the shop’s vintage vending machines spoke to me. (They dole out fake facial hair, muskrat finger puppets, and thimble-sized journals.) If you have a kid or know a kid, Green Bean is a no-brainer; the shop also hosts weekly storytimes, author readings, and a youth advisory board on upcoming books.

1600 NE Alberta. Open daily 11 am-5 pm 

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

Before I get started, (and piss people off), I should start by saying this: “house keys not handcuffs,”“care not jail,” and “stop the sweeps”—I breathe that. 

Now, once you get past mantras, there’s some real life outside that we all have to acknowledge about the mounds of policy failure that has become Portland, and now Oregon’s massive homeless problem: our streets are wild. 

The endless needles, pipes as common as the rain, the undiagnosed person throwing a chair into a grocery store window, the trash tumbleweeding every which way—it’s a lot. 

Even when we recognize the scourge on the streets has been created by decades of government terror and disinvestment, as well as over-fidelity to the most deep-pocketed by those in power—those failures have turned into a more materially unstable and unsafe place for all of us if we’re telling the truth. 

Which, speaking of disinvestment—did you know that in Oregon, which is just 2  percent Black, the most racially diverse county in the state, Multnomah, is just 7 percent Black? Despite that fact, we Black people make up almost a quarter of the growing thousands of homeless people in Multnomah County. 

And this ironically, is where the good stuff starts to happen—at least in this story. The good stuff is in the brain and heart of LaQuida “Q” Landford, a Portland-by-way of Belize activist who embodies “the work.” She’s the founder and Executive Director of AfroVillage PDX, a non-profit on the frontlines of tackling Black homelessness in Oregon. All the aforementioned issues with our homeless problem, be it the cause or the consequence, LaQuida is well aware of and more. 

Stomp around Old Town with her, and she can tell you exactly what’s up: the woman who just got out and needs a little love as she navigates getting back inside, the teenager that’s back on that shit, the dealer who dealt him that shit, and the addict that’s burned through all the social services. She knows the small business owners, the neighborhood associations, the nonprofits: the ones taking action, and the ones acting. And she’s got love for them all. 

Before she even incorporated AfroVillage PDX, she was busy trying to lift up the neighborhood with her “Old Town Fresh” initiative where she delivered mobile showers and hygiene products to people living outside from the patio of a small coffee shop — and she didn’t have a grant to do it, she just did it because she cares. 

Q cares, if don’t nobody else care *2Pac voice*.

Officially formed in 2020, AfroVillagePDX has grown into a full fledged vision of healing and hope for those without a home. 

Right now, they are partnered with Street Roots to create a free Wi-Fi hub throughout Old Town, because as anyone working in housing and homelessness can tell you, while high-speed connections may be as common as a nickel in a well for many, for those trying to get back on their feet, a strong and stable WiFi signal can mean the difference between getting a job, safe storage for your things, or just connecting with a loved one. 

Now, that may not “clean up the streets” in the way a sexy (read: not sexy at all) new task force tries to “figure” out” what’s happening in Portland’s central city, but it will do something more revolutionary: materially help people. 

Since returning to Portland from Belize after a near-decade year hiatus in 2014, LaQuida dreamed of a space for Black men and women that have been eaten up by the system, whether by the “justice” system, poverty, plain old racism, or whatever Frankenstein ushered them to the concrete. 

And now AfroVillage has identified an underutilized piece of land on the waterfront in lower Albina in collaboration with Portland Bureau of Transportation, sparking new conversations about how to activate it as a community resilience hub in the coming years. 

And when she’s not on her high-level systems thinking, she’s on the ground. When a winter storm hits, she’s making sure that when the warming stations have closed, and it’s still freezing outside, folks get into a safe place to be at night. 

She really does this. And while she may not get all the shiny accolades, she serves as a shining monument to the real in any room she stands in.

To that end, there’s no shortage of headlines about Portland’s housing crisis. But when the cameras cut, and the pens get put down and the ink dries, Portland can rest assured that someone is working to connect the dots, build the bridges, and give the care that money can’t buy—and that person is LaQuida Landford. 

So the next trash tumbleweed you see, along with the next task force that follows it, you may find it hard to say nice things about Portland—I certainly have at times. But I take solace that one thing I can say with confidence that is nice is AfroVillage PDX.

Side note: While it’s true she has and will do this work with no money, we are all trying to move mountains under capitalism—so if you like Q’s work, why don’t you donate now to AfroVillage PDX. 

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

Portland has been a bike city since the 1890s, just after the invention of the modern bicycle. By 1896, the city’s bike culture was strong enough to warrant distribution of a map of cycling routes, which contained advertisements for bike-friendly business establishments, including places to shop for men and women’s cycling apparel. 

When I first saw the 1896 Cyclist’s Road Map to Portland, I felt a sense of reverence and awe. Here I was, a 21st century Portland bicyclist, using streets established in the Gilded Age by people who had never seen cars. A lot has changed over the last 128 years, but we still have the magic that is riding a bicycle in Portland. 

In more recent history, Portland became known as one of America’s top bike capitals in the 1990s and early aughts, with the formation of heavy-hitting advocacy groups (the Bicycle Transportation Alliance, now The Street Trust, was founded in 1990), iconic events like the annual Pedalpalooza Bike Summer festival (2002), and bike scene documentarians, most notably Jonathan Maus of BikePortland (2005). 

Going into the early 2010s, Portland seemed set to become the next Amsterdam, only quirkier— the Netherlands don’t have a Unipiper! Back then, there were bike traffic gridlocks on the Hawthorne bridge, and hundred-person pelotons commuting on North Williams Ave every morning (or so I hear). But things have slowed down since then. 

Over the last few years, in response to the decline in local bike ridership, people have prematurely eulogized Portland’s bike scene— much like they’ve done with the city in general. While much of the “Portland is dead” narrative is overblown (hence the Mercury’s “Say Nice Things” theme), it’s true that people aren’t riding their bikes here as much anymore, and that has real, undeniable consequences for street safety and planetary health. 

But for all the time I’ve spent complaining about biking in Portland—and all the time I’ll certainly spend doing it in the future—there’s nothing anyone could do to tamp down my enthusiasm for it. I love riding my bike in this city, right here in the year 2024. And I mean, REALLY love. I am literally head-over-heels, madly in love with it, and I know I’m not the only one. 

My romance with biking in Portland started as soon as I moved here. During my first few months in the city, I attempted to curb my disorientation by pounding the pavement on my cherry red hybrid Trek, figuring out the streets by trial and error. Experiencing Portland by bike helped me discover things I would’ve overlooked if I was traveling any faster than 10 miles per hour, and I began to feel like the city was a vibrant ecosystem that I could fit myself into. 

Of course, I’ve enjoyed riding my bike in many different cities, some of which have objectively superior infrastructure and accommodations for people on bikes. Still, there’s something uniquely magical about riding a bike in Portland. 

I feel that magic when I see the goats on the Northeast Rodney Avenue greenway, or stop during my commute to pet a neighborhood cat. I felt it when 20 people, most of them strangers, showed up at my house to help me move five miles across the city by bike. I feel it during the first warm days of spring, when the bottom deck of the Steel Bridge is packed with people on their bikes en route to see the cherry blossoms, and I feel it during the most miserable days of winter, when I’m all alone on the quiet streets, getting drenched by rain. I feel it when I wave to people I know when I pass them on a greenway, and take time to chat with them if we’re headed in the same direction. 

Of course, I feel the magic when I look at the bike map from 1896, which proves that bicycling is integrated into this city’s very fabric, and we’d better do all we can to preserve and expand it.

(Quick, nonexhaustive speed round of other amazing Portland bike things: The school “bike bus” movement, when sunset hits at the Pedalpalooza kick-off ride, people who casually ride tall bikes, the year-round, weekly Portland State University farmer’s market ride, the absolutely raucous insanity of the annual World Naked Bike Ride, and all the passionate activists who have dedicated their lives to making the city better and safer for all people, on all modes of transportation.) 

To me, loving Portland and riding my bike go hand-in-hand. Only by spending so much time close to the ground, with the crisp air in my face and the feeling of uneven pavement under my wheels, could I develop the relationship with this city that I have today. 

Am I intrigued by the tales of gridlock bike traffic and seemingly unstoppable progress? Of course, and I’d love to see that again. But we can work to make things better and simultaneously avoid getting blinded by nostalgia. There’s a lot to delight in right now—and those delights are easiest to find by bike.

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

Fourteen years ago, Corin Tucker was sure her band Sleater-Kinney would never reunite. 

In 2006, the group announced an indefinite hiatus following a tour for their critically-acclaimed album, The Woods. After playing a final, sold-out show at the Crystal Ballroom that year, the trio parted ways.

Tucker spent her time away from the band raising kids, starting another band, working a traditional job, and embarking on side projects. Her bandmates, drummer Janet Weiss and guitarist Carrie Brownstein, also moved on to other music groups and creative endeavors, with Brownstein co-creating what would become the hit TV series Portlandia.

“Certainly when Carrie started Portlandia I was like, ‘Oh my god, we’re not going to be a band again. Forget it,’” Tucker recalls. “She’s amazing and she has this whole other career, you know?”

The sketch comedy show saw Brownstein and Saturday Night Live alum Fred Armisen poke fun at Portland’s quirky, occasionally passive-aggressive culture. Portlandia thrust the city into the spotlight as a tragically hip, urban paradise dotted with bikes and trees. One particular sketch spawned the catchphrase “put a bird on it,” which briefly became the city’s other motto. 

In an interview with the Mercury, Brownstein admits she never thought the catchphrase would take off like it did.

“I apologize. I had no idea…” Brownstein jokes, “but we have many options [for slogans]. The city that works, I feel like most of us might say that’s not a working slogan anymore, so it’s definitely up for debate, I think.”

She can still spot nods to the phrase in news headlines and memes.

“I’m always flattered that something that I put out in the world has entered the lexicon or public imagination,” she says. “It’s not something to bemoan.”

But for all the fun she had working on Portlandia, Brownstein later found herself reunited with Sleater-Kinney. In 2015, the group released No Cities to Love, the first album since their 2006 split.

Save for cult favorites Dead Moon, few other Portland-based bands have managed to cultivate and maintain a large, fiercely loyal fanbase over the course of three decades. 

The band’s first album was raw, rudimentary, and purposefully unpolished. As the group established itself, Brownstein’s punk and post-punk influences emerged into signature guitar hooks. Tucker’s mezzo-soprano voice–illustrated by vibrato and heavy wails–became unapologetically pronounced.  

Tucker has worked with Portland-based vocal coach Wolf Carr, whose guidance has also been tapped by other local acts like the Decemberists and Y La Bamba, and helped shape the caustic growls of Yob and Red Fang.

“There’s an inherent emotionality to her timbre, and she uses her vowels as the driver for that expression,” Carr says of Tucker’s vocal style. “She’s a powerful belter who wails on notes in her melodies. Corin has a genuine authentic voice… when you hear her sing, you know it’s her immediately.”

Kathleen Hanna of Bikini Kill once noted Tucker’s voice can bring her to tears. Her bandmates have had similar moments. 

Brownstein recalls the recording sessions for the band’s 2002 album One Beat when it came time to record vocals for “Sympathy,” a blues-tinged track about the premature birth of Tucker’s son that’s equally vulnerable and vociferous.

Tucker’s voice hit new heights while belting the lyrics, “there’s no righteousness in your darkest moment /We’re all equal in the face of what we’re most afraid of.”

“I remember when she laid down those vocals, both Janet Weiss and I were sitting in the studio, crying,” Brownstein says. “In Sleater-Kinney, there have been countless moments where she’s amazed me, and I’ve been in awe of what she can do and how much emotion she can bring.”

The beloved Portland band has evolved over the course of 30 years, as musicians and people. In 2019, after the recording of Sleater-Kinney’s ninth album, longtime drummer Janet Weiss departed the group, after disagreements over the creative direction and decision making.

Weiss’ absence soured many fans, and is often brought up by music critics. Brownstein and Tucker now rely on touring musicians for live shows.

Tucker calls the band’s evolution “organic.” Brownstein says it’s taught her to be more present and appreciate the experiences of writing and performing.

“There’s very little I take for granted anymore,” she says.

One thing that hasn’t changed in more than 20 years: the city they call home. Tucker and Brownstein formed Sleater-Kinney in Olympia, WA in the mid-’90s (the band’s name comes from a freeway exit off I-5 in nearby Lacey) as the riot grrrl wave was budding in the Pacific Northwest. The band’s members later relocated to Portland before the release of their sixth album. 

Brownstein has moved out of state a few times, including a stint in Los Angeles, but never stays gone for long.

“I moved here in 2001 and I’ve moved away a couple times, but I always come back,” Brownstein says, noting she’s “restless by nature.”

“I get the urge to venture out, but Portland just feels like a spiritual home. I love the trees. I love the gray. I love how verdant it is. I love the sogginess. I love the people,” she says. “I just understand the Northwest as kind of an interior landscape and I think that needs to match the external one and those are very fused for me.”

Tucker, who grew up in Eugene, acknowledges the city’s struggles.

“There’s a lot of sadness in Portland and problems that are really visible,” she says, but it hasn’t driven her away. 

“I love living here,” Tucker says. “I think I would feel really homesick if I left.

Tucker, who’s spent plenty of time in other US cities, says Portland is unique. 

“You know, a lot of cities are not really built in relationship to nature. They’re built in opposition to it, and I feel like Mother Nature just rules Portland. Like when the ice storm happened, it’s like, well? …It’s just a different relationship, and we’re not in charge. We really have to learn to live our lives around nature, and I really like that, actually.” 

Portland also has plenty of creature comforts, and no shortage of coveted restaurants.

Tucker cites the Saturday farmers market downtown, the coffee at Albina Press, and dining at Tusk among her post-tour must-haves. Brownstein says snagging a table at Luce is a highlight when returning home after months away. 

And if she’s not on the road, Brownstein is probably playing pickleball.

Lately, she frequents the People’s Courts–an arcade and bar featuring pickleball courts, disc golf, ping pong, and corn hole in outer Northeast Portland.

The casual sport feels familiar to Brownstein, who was born and raised in Washington, the birthplace of pickleball. She grew up playing on neighborhood courts and in gym class. 

“You know what I love about it, is you meet a lot of different people, and a wide range of ages. I [sometimes] play with someone who’s 75, and the other weekend I played against a father and son, and the kid was 17. And I love that there are people who I would never meet otherwise.”

The same can be said about Sleater-Kinney’s multi-generational fanbase, which ranges from graying, middle-aged men, to 25 year olds just discovering the band’s music.

This year, Sleater-Kinney released their 11th album, Little Rope, with a US tour that wrapped at the Crystal Ballroom. 

Before recording the album, Brownstein’s mother and stepfather died in a car crash while vacationing in Italy in 2022. The band says the experience and ensuing grief led to several tracks on the album being reworked, and others scrapped.

“Hey, get ready / I’ve been down so long I pay rent to the floor,” Brownstein sings in the opening lines of “Hunt You Down,” a synth-laden track with a haunting chorus.

It’s hard to imagine Brownstein and Tucker calling it quits again, but Brownstein says she’s bemused that Sleater-Kinney has endured for this long, and these days, she’s more grateful for it.

“[Nearly] every decade of my life has been partially informed by this band,” she muses. “We were never thinking ‘Yeah, we’ll do this until we’re, like, almost 50.

“I know there were so many early shows and recording sessions and moments that passed me by because I just thought, ‘Well, this will always be here,’” Brownstein says. “People go away and venues go away and family goes away and cities change. That’s so obvious, but you start to feel it, the older you get. You carry with you loss and change and transitions that wear you down or you feel it in your body. And so I think music now is just a way that I acknowledge being happy that I’m alive and that other people are alive.”

Sleater-Kinney will play Pioneer Courthouse Square on August 7. 

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

Community over competition is a phrase you hear a lot if you spend time in the Portland restaurant scene. 

For the most part, it seems to be true. Like any industry, there is some hot goss and some seriously spilled tea, but chefs are always willing to gas up their own. We reached out to five of Portland’s premier restaurant and cart owners–Earl Ninsom (Hat Yai, Langbaan, Yaowarat, etc), Gabriel Rucker (Le Pigeon, Canard), Alkebulan Moroski (Dirty Lettuce), Gabrielle Quiñónez Denton (Ox), and Peter Cho (Han Oak, Toki, Jeju)–and asked them who they’d most like to say nice things about. 

Earl Ninsom has the most impressive collection of restaurants in town (he’s behind Hat Yai, Eem, Langbaan, Yaowarat, Paadee, and Phuket Cafe), so he knows quality. Ninsom was an early ambassador for Kaede (8268 SE 13th), a tiny sushi restaurant in Sellwood that opened in late 2022 and seats only parties of one or two, with husband and wife team Shinji and Izumi Uehara making sushi and izakaya dishes meticulously. 

“Their quality exceeds the size of their restaurant,” says Ninsom, who usually goes alone and dines at the counter. “Dishes from the hot kitchen from Chef Izumi look simple but are very, very well done. I really enjoyed the chilled eggplant, chawanmushi, dessert—and even the miso soup is way above the standard I get elsewhere. The way Chef Shinji treats both rice temperature and flavor, and seasoning the fish is always very thoughtful.” 

Ninsom recommends getting two orders of the fatty chutoro tuna and Shinji’s signature nigiri of tuna marinated in soy and jalapeno. (This is also my favorite restaurant of the moment; we try to go once a month for our hit of fish.)

Gabriel Rucker, whose Le Pigeon and Canard have long set the standard for both Portland fine dining and flavor inventiveness, doesn’t get to eat out much on his down time. That being said, he’s willing to take a stand on what he calls the “incendiary topic” of pizza in Portland. 

Dimo’s Apizza (701 E Burnside), which is right down Burnside from his restaurants, is the perfect place to grab a staff meal or a pie on the way home to his family. Rucker likes Dimo’s spicy salami and pepperoni pie, and said a recent order of a wild mushroom pizza was excellent, as the mushrooms were “kind of crispy and got this great texture.” 

“Not only is their pizza great, in the summer they have a large patio you can hang on, and they’re such good neighbors,” Rucker says of the New Haven-style spot. “We’re not in competition with each other, we’re here to build each other up. Any neighborhood needs good people right now.”

Dirty Lettuce makes delicious Southern food, full stop. The fact that those savory greens and crispy fried chicken are all vegan is just a lovely bonus. Moroski says that his favorite place to swap meals with is Mirisata (2420 SE Belmont), the vegan Sri Lankan restaurant famous for its rice and curry. 

“I think a huge strength they have is they’re working within a cuisine that is already heavily plant based,” says Moroski, who loves the coconutty pol roti and lentil dahl. “They’re introducing something people are unfamiliar with, and to have it be vegan on top of it, and have it actually work? They’re killing it over there.”

Moroski also wanted to shout out Mia’s African Kitchen (6935 NE Glisan), which is in his neighborhood. “There are a lot of vegan options, the owner is super sweet and she’s always in there,” he says. “It’s a phenomenal flavorful little spot.” Mia’s is open in the mornings too, when the owner hand roasts coffee beans in a pan for customers, he said. “That’s home homestyle,” Moroski says, laughing.

Everyone’s favorite Argentine-inspired, Pacific Northwest-at-heart wood fired restaurant, Ox, just celebrated its 10th anniversary. And after a decade as co-chef and owner with her husband Greg Denton, Gabrielle Quiñónez Denton says she still sees Portland drawing talent and enthusiasm to its culinary scene. 

Catch the couple at their neighborhood haunt, En Vida (1303 NE Fremont), where she says they over-order so they have left overs to take home. 

Their order: “Cornmeal masa empanadas, a green salad, and their fried yuca with cilantro aïoli. Then we might get the feijoada, the vaca frita, or the moqueca, or maybe their Cubano sandwich.” And if it’s brunch, Quiñónez Denton says they serve her favorite dish in the city: an arepa eggs benedict with the “most delicious” ají-spiked hollandaise.

Quiñónez Denton also had nothing but good to say about Street Disco, the natural wine and endlessly reinventing restaurant at 4144 SE 60th. “I love the balance of creativity and technique here,” she says. “The dishes at Street Disco are playful and yet executed with finesse. The food is fresh, bright, and boldly seasoned, and the service is also very friendly and knowledgeable.”

Finally, Swiss Hibiscus (4950 NE 14th), run by a Swiss-Hawaiian chef and her partner, is a long standing favorite. “We especially enjoy coming here when the weather’s cold and dreary because those Alpine dishes are so comforting,” Quiñónez Denton says. “The escargot in garlic butter is a classic that’s made even better by adding an order of the sautéed mushroom in garlic butter to the mix. The green salad is dressed with an addictive creamy vinaigrette, and the pork and chicken schnitzels are both great, especially when served with a side of the spaetzle.” She recommends ending with a cup of “extra decadent” hot chocolate when available.

Mornings mean noodle soups for Peter Cho and his wife and business partner, Sun Park. 

The couple behind Han Oak, Jeju, and Toki are creatures of soup habit. Bún bò Huế and phở at Mekha (6846 NE Sandy) or any of the rotating soups at the new Annam VL (3336 SE Belmont) are what’s for breakfast.

“They’re always consistent, and we’re kind of creatures of habit,” Cho says. “We don’t check out new stuff, we just go to our spots. It’s always delicious. It’s crave-worthy. In the morning, it’s cold, and we’re like ‘Let’s get noodles.’ And it’s one or the other at this point.”

For lunch, Cho says he’s probably spent more money at Sammich (2137 E. Burnside) than any other restaurant in Portland. Owner Melissa McMillan and Cho are longtime buds, so he grabs any of the “amazing” sandwiches, and talks shop. “It’s as much a great meal as it is a restaurant therapy session or catching up on what’s going on with Mel,” he says.

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

I sat in my car outside of the Mercury offices. It was the beginning of March and I was afraid to open my door. It was raining—the kind of rain that’s hard to be romantic about even when you’re perpetually homesick. The drops hit your windshield in a way that’s meditative when you’re in park and horrifying when you’re in drive. It’s that sort of sustained, battering, ever-present rain that Portland gets every so often that lets people say “it’s so green here!” when they visit in August. It’s the kind of rain that native Oregonians, for whatever dumb reason, insist on braving without an umbrella.

When I finally succumbed to the reality of the weather, I jogged through the deluge, and into the friendly confines of the Mercury’s office, and that’s when the pitch came in. “We’re doing a whole issue about why we still love Portland. You want to write something?”

To me, this wasn’t even a question. The two things in this world I love most are Portland and attention, and this gave me an opportunity to combine them. I have an affection for this city that starts in my bones and weaves its way through my wardrobe, walls, and general sense of identity. It’s verging on obnoxious, to be honest. I’m wearing a Kacha T-shirt as I write this. My AirPods are in a Trail Blazer-themed case. A sizable banner hangs in my living room, decorated with a rose and the words “Portland, Oregon.” Not “I Heart Portland ‘’ or  “Stumptown” or something else appropriately twee for a felt flag. Just “Portland, Oregon”—a point of interest, a simple declaration of fact. Except, it isn’t even a fact, because my living room is in Los Angeles. I’m an expatriate evangelist. I grew up in Beaverton, spent my twenties in Southeast, and I’ve been gone now for just more than a decade. A lot has changed in that decade.

Still, I agreed to the writing assignment in an instant. The editor and I fell into a banter that’s immediately familiar to anyone who has been put into a position to defend Portland.

“People act like the entire city is on fire! Oh, you can’t go downtown? I was just down there and I bought a $7 coffee and I saw a store selling $450 selvedge jeans! People were smiling, people were laughing, Pioneer Square was buzzing! Nobody was engaged in open combat with the police! Yes, I saw some people doing drugs—people have always been doing drugs downtown! I’ve done drugs downtown! It’s just a bunch of dumb Fox News bullshit propaganda. It’s so stupid. (Pause.) I mean. (Longer pause.) It is gnarly. (Pause.) But it’s always been gnarly!”

When I’m outside the city, I feel very comfortable having this conversation. My job takes me on the road and when people find out that I’m originally from Portland, they are, without exception, compelled. This has always been the case, by the way. Ten years ago, telling someone you were from Portland was like telling someone you were dating Stanley Tucci. This year it’s like telling someone you’re dating Stanley Kowalski. In liberal cities people greet you with concern; in conservative cities they shower you with disdain. Like, honestly, an insane amount of disdain. With the Republican set, the city has reached mythical levels of animus on par with “welfare queens” and women who have even one opinion about their own bodies. Whatever their background, I’m more than happy to disabuse them of their concern, panic, or unsettling, misplaced hate. These people sincerely believe that the city is actively patrolled by fentanyl zombie ANTIFA supersoldiers, pulling hand-crocheted guns on innocent taxpayers, and demanding they update the pronouns on their LinkedIn. I savor the opportunity to correct them. In fact, if they give me their email, I offer to send them a list of ice cream places they gotta try if they ever visit. Ice cream places. Multiple. Even Tucker Carlson likes ice cream. Defending Portland to an outsider is easy.

When I’m talking to someone in Portland, these conversations are harder, or at the very least, more complex. I’m the outsider now. I’m the tourist. I’m the person who thinks of Portland in terms of ice cream. You live here. You know the hyperbole is bonkers, but you’ve also cleaned human shit off your shoe in a puddle next to Powells. You see your fellow Portlanders hunched over in doorways hitting little glass pipes, and it’s more people than you used to see doing that, and maybe you don’t care. Or maybe you do care, but you care about the person, the human, who was a baby once just like you and me, who has been driven to desperation. You care about the economic system that has driven them there and the social safety net that has failed to deliver them any kind of meaningful aid. You care in the right way. Maybe you care like that and also in the superficial way. Is that okay? Maybe you hate the broken windows, even if they’re on a boarded up building, even if they’re on a Starbucks, even though corporations are violence, or whatever you’re supposed to say so people don’t get mad at you. By the way, please don’t get mad at me. My point is, no matter how you feel about the city of Portland, you live here. I don’t. I live in a world of increasingly hazy memories forged in chicken wings from Pok Pok, tequila sodas from Dig a Pony, and any number of other toppled institutions that won’t mean anything to anyone in a generation. I can’t spin you a hagiography. 

I left the Mercury offices and headed back out into the rain. It was dawning on me that writing about Portland wouldn’t be as easy as it was back when I had a weekly column in the print version of this newspaper. I needed to think, and I can’t think unless I walk, and since my veins now run cold with the coward blood of the Californian, I needed to walk indoors, away from the storm. Using the internal homing instincts of a man who hasn’t held an address here since Obama was President, I headed to Lloyd Center.

You don’t need me to tell you what Lloyd Center is like right now, but you may need me to tell you what it was like at the turn of the century. Here stood a bustling center of millennial commerce unmatched in the Pacific Northwest. Lloyd Center fucking ruled. There were so many places to buy baseball hats. There was an arcade, two movie theaters, a Spencers and a Hot Topic, an ice skating rink, and a store that mostly sold rainsticks and driftwood and other things a childhood psychologist could use to decorate their office. The Gap, Baby Gap, Gap Kids. Express. Express for Men. Express for Dogs. The food court was like a grand bazaar offering delights from the furthest reaches of the globe—every manner of cuisine, as long as it was drowned in corn syrup. Lloyd Center was A MALL. Now it’s a crater. I feel like a schmuck saying this, but it was depressing. My friend, who is not a native, joined me on the walk and I kept pointing to vacant storefronts and telling him what it used to be, back in better times. 

Lloyd Center isn’t abandoned, though, not quite. There are little stores popping up here and there. You’ll see a comic book shop, like a hermit crab, in the shell of a shuttered Banana Republic. There’s a sneaker shop. There’s a pop-up art gallery. The headquarters of a civil rights organization. I don’t mean to paint a rosier picture than reality. Lloyd Center has fallen. I was lamenting the state of things and my friend, who’s not from Portland but who lives in Portland, waved his hand towards the failed mall. He said that it did suck, but also, it was like when a tree falls over and a bunch of plants and mushrooms and smaller trees start growing out of it’s collapsed trunk. I was immediately jealous of the metaphor and then, just as suddenly, I was embarrassed. I had forgotten where I came from.

All those hometown T-shirts in my closet and cookbooks on my shelf, all the time I spent bragging about the beautiful summers and farm-to-table cuisine, all the love I had been shining on the superficial edifice of Portland, the value I had been extracting from the city’s cultural footprint all these years—and I’d lost touch with what really makes this city beautiful. The rot. The rot is what I love about Portland. I love the broken people who have run so far west that there isn’t anywhere left to go but down. I love the artists creating and collapsing and abandoning their dreams for just long enough to pick up some new ones. I love that there are people who refuse to let a pile of shit and a broken window stop them from starting a business. I love that they hate to complain, but do it anyway. I love that we try, and fail, and try again. I love that guy sleeping in a tent, smoking meth, and I wish things were better for him. Even if I’m annoyed that he’s ruining my brunch, I’m happy he’s here and alive, and not in Cleveland and dead. And you’re happy about that too, otherwise you wouldn’t be here. I love that it’s hard to be in Portland, because it’s always been hard to be here. 

Don’t let Portlandia’s time in the sun fool you, this city has always been about the rot and the fertility that comes with it. Portland has always been about the rain. How do you think it got so green?

[Welcome to our second annual "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue! Read it online here, or if you like physical, paper-y things, you can find it in more than 50 locations all around the city!—eds]

First of all, thanks to everyone who’s been saying nice things about Portland! And to those who’ve been spreading all those bad vibes? Hello…YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

(Don’t worry, I’ll get to the identities of these “problem people” in just a minute. But first, let’s recap!)

Last year the Mercury introduced the “Say Nice Things About Portland” concept as a direct response to the wealthy, cynical conservatives who took advantage of the pandemic to gain political power and cram even more money into their bottomless pockets. And full disclosure, the “Say Nice Things” tagline was directly lifted from Emily Gail of Detroit, who in the 1970s was so sick of people crap-talking her hometown that she started a “Say Nice Things About Detroit” campaign which went a long way toward restoring that city’s damaged reputation. (You can read much more about this in my Say Nice Things About Portland manifesto from 2023, which I must humbly admit was a certified banger.)

But Portland isn’t Detroit, because we have our own host of challenges. Homelessness is real, drug addiction is real, and the devastating effects of the wealthy trying to desperately hang on to their money and privilege as capitalism slowly bleeds to death is OH. SO. REAL. For decades conservatives have been trying to squirm their way into Portland’s progressive politics with minimal success… that is, until the pandemic hit. That’s when they decided to go all in on pushing the narrative that the successful, and nationally adored Portland of 2015 had been brutally murdered by an explosion of homelessness, drug addiction, crime, and so-called rioters (in actuality mostly peaceful demonstrators asking for a bare minimum of racial justice). 

Facing what they laughably considered to be an existential crisis, a patchwork of downtown commercial real estate brokers, developers, and our local business association (formerly known as the Portland Business Alliance until they changed their name to Portland Metro Chamber to mask their terrible rep) formed a loose coalition of assholes who sprang into action. They wrote negative opinion pieces, commissioned slanted polls, erected laughably awful anti-Portland billboards, and issued warnings that if their business concerns weren’t immediately addressed, coddled, and enabled by the city, Portland would collapse in on itself like the haunted house at the end of Poltergeist. They used fear and intimidation (and MONEY, baby!) to convince Portlanders that only they could solve our problems—many of which were caused by their own greed and neglect. 

Many of their shameless attempts paid off: They financed campaigns which eventually resulted in the most conservative city council (and mayoral candidates) Portland’s had in decades. This is the same city council that repeatedly tried to scuttle voter-approved charter reform, as well as the innovative and popular Portland Street Response program, and gave the okay for Zenith to continue dangerously transporting millions of gallons of fuel through the city (despite our so-called climate goals). At the same time this coalition of wealthy nay-sayers stumbled upon a winning game plan: When a progressive law they hate passes, they wait three months, and if it isn’t an immediate success, they label it “an abject failure” that needs to be “fixed” or completely overturned. (Pour one out for Measure 110.)

So yeah… these buttholes are THE PROBLEM.

And this is where “Say Nice Things About Portland” comes in! Don’t be fooled by the loud braying voices of these rich, narcissistic crybabies whose only concerns are their own financial success. THEY ARE THE MINORITY. Portlanders are finally waking up to their cynical schemes, and realizing that our city is far healthier than what some people would have us believe. Take a look at the diverse pack of city council candidates that you’ll be voting for in November—you’ll find a host of activists, progressives, and people who are interested in solving our issues instead of eternally kicking the can down the road and refusing to do the hard work necessary to tackle difficult problems. Of course you’ll see the occasional Business Alliance puppet in the mix, but overall this crop of candidates has the wealthy power brokers shaking in their Christian Louboutin boots.

These candidates, activists, and city cheerleaders represent the true majority of Portland—people who put the interests of the community before their own selfish desires. 

This begs the question: If nice people are the majority, then why do we seemingly only hear the loud whining of the butthole minority? Primarily because they’re organized and we aren’t. They’re also desperate, and willing to spend a disgusting amount of money to ensure their ideas become the dominant opinions. And if anyone disagrees with these opinions, an army of conservative internet bots are dispatched to issue threats, along with racist, misogynistic, and homophobic insults in an attempt to silence them. And just so we’re all clear, this conservative campaign is not limited to Portland—it’s a national trend that’s become particularly prevalent on the West Coast, as conservatives have infiltrated and are attempting to overthrow liberal strongholds in Seattle and San Francisco as well.

“Okay, yes, WE KNOW ALL THIS,” you might be sputtering loudly into my ear. “But what can we DO about it?” 

So glad you asked! I think you’ll be surprised how easy it can be to regain control of your city. First: Vote in all upcoming elections. If you see someone who’s endorsed by the local business alliance, police union, the Commercial Brokers Association, or failed gubernatorial candidates like Betsy Johnson, RUN THE OTHER WAY. (I would also advise you to beware of consistently sketchy endorsements from the Oregonian and Willamette Week, but that’s between you and your god.) 

Second: On a similar note, be wary of what local media is telling you. Don’t be fooled by unreliable polls commissioned by sketchy conservatives, and gleefully parroted by certain news organizations. Make no mistake, there are a lot of great reporters out there doing the real work of speaking truth to power, and at the same time there are a lot of editors whose main concern is accumulating as many fear-based clicks as possible. Treat all articles (including this one!) with the scrutiny they deserve, and write as many progressive op-eds as possible (trust me, the Oregonian will print practically anything). 

Third: ORGANIZE. There are some fantastic local organizations who are already countering the current onslaught of negative narratives, including Friends of Portland Street Response, Portland for All, League of Women Voters of Portland, Business for a Better Portland, Portland Metro People’s Coalition, and lots more. You can also organize your own group of friends and acquaintances to write emails, show up to city council meetings, or even make signs that reflect your positive attitude about Portland. (And if you can afford your own billboard, that certainly wouldn’t hurt!) This requires a certain amount of bravery—but it’s necessary. It’s not the job of the oppressed to constantly defend their existence and their right to live a happy life—but the rest of us CAN and SHOULD speak up. We’ve seen the positive outcomes that can happen when the community rises up to defend those whose voices aren’t being heard.

And fourth: SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND! Yes, you should absolutely defend our city against its many (including out-of-town) naysayers, but unfortunately you also have to defend it against seemingly liberal politicians who listen to the loudest, most obnoxious voices instead of actual experts. And while you’re at it, say nice things about PortlandERS—particularly the ones who have been doing the hard work of solving our problems without making the problems worse, while also championing the wild ‘n’ fun artistic shit that made our city so popular in the first place. 

Long story short, this is what we’re focusing on in our second annual “Say Nice Things About Portland” issue. We’re turning our gaze to the people, places, and even animals (!) that remind us of the positive things we should be proud of, and how good work based in kindness yields amazing results.

So let’s do this thing. Speak up for the thoughtful and progressive attitudes which will once again make Portland the envy of the entire nation. Say nice things about Portland, say nice things about PortlandERS, and say nice things about YOURSELF. You are smart, worthy of love, and your continued existence in this city and on this planet is important. We need you, and right now? Portland needs you.

Yer always pal,

Wm. Steve Humphrey

Editor-in-Chief

Portland Mercury

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

Good Morning, Portland! It's Friday. And looking at the weather, it's just gonna be nice forever now. High of 66-degrees today. 72 on Saturday!  Mid-50s to 70s all next week. Remember, don't let your drunk bros swim in lakes and rivers just yet. Our mountain-fed streams are just too cold, no matter how tough and brave they feel. Enough with the PSA, let's hit the NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:
• The second issue of Say Nice Things About Portland—our guide to great things in this city—hit stands this week. Find it inside coffee shops, bookstores, bars, et al. You can also read the web version of the guide. 

• Breaking: New Job Day Bob Day is here to stay.

Breaking News - The plan was to step down in 2025, but now, Bob Day is being appointed as the permanent chief of the Portland Police Bureau

FULL STORY: https://t.co/qykc8TE8a5#portland#news#pdx#breakingnews#portlandpolice@fox12oregon

— Bonnie Silkman KPTV (@BonnieSilkman) April 12, 2024

• Earlier in the week, I was leaning back in my chair, cynically musing that while I had been walking past the downtown Buffalo Wild Wings semi-daily since the mid-20teens, I couldn't remember it ever looking busy in there. I'll tell you what. The restaurant had a vent that all but submerged those passing by in hot chicken vapor, so I noticed the place. However, I didn't remember what Oregonian food world reporter Michael Russell noted in his piece: "The downtown Portland bar was the second sports bar opened by World Wide Wings," and "for its first five years, its corporate offices were located behind the bar." At some point, Buffalo Wild Wings became a joke about consumerism, loud places where no one can actually talk to one another, and locations uncles wants to take their vegetarian nieces for lunch. But at one point it was just a fledgling franchise owner, keeping offices in a parking garage. I'm not sure if I'm being serious either, but I was interested to learn this.

• I mentioned right to repair when Oregon lawmakers made it a law, but here's a more thorough explainer on it from TechCrunch:

The right to repair movement just got a big win.

Starting this fall, Apple will allow customers to repair or replace iPhone parts like batteries, displays, and cameras. @alex breaks down the shift of opinion and what this means for consumers 👇pic.twitter.com/r3E9aTdnF1

— TechCrunch (@TechCrunch) April 12, 2024

• Your Friday morning ticket drop is arriving shortly and our Mercury EverOut calendar team has drawn up a list of notables for your perusal. Of notice this week: Rayland Baxter at Topaz Farm, Comedy Bang! Bang! at Revolution Hall, and Red Fang at Crystal Ballroom—neat!

• Our bodies are ready for the weekend, and there's plenty we've recommended on the docket—not just the aforementioned ticket drop, but the shiz we've written about all week. You could see Nassim at Portland Center Stage or The Beast at Cinema 21. The Filipino food month we wrote about recently, Sobrang Sarap, is on its second week—adobo week! Delicious. Our Mercury Music Picks still have some cool shows to feel hot about. And you know what's still in theaters? Monkey Man, Problemista, Love Lies Bleeding, and Dune: Part Two. Guess we were right about those.

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:
• This upcoming Monday, three survivors of Abu Ghraib prison will bring their claims of torture before a US jury, in US District Court in Alexandria. It's been 20 years since the "photos of abused prisoners and smiling US soldiers guarding them at Iraq’s Abu Ghraib prison were released, shocking the world,"Associated Press reports. After 16 years of litigation they'll have their day in court. 

• We've heard stories from the Russia's invasion of Ukraine where Russian troops surrendered to drones rather than continue to fight, but it's not all popsicles and cake—with war it is almost never popsicles. Associated Press interviewed six Russian military deserters, finding that "each is waiting for a welcome from the West that has never arrived. Instead, all but one live in hiding."

• The Biden administration says they're canceling more student loan debt... (I don't know how this applies to my debt)... yay!

President Biden says his administration is canceling $7.4 billion in student loans for 277,000 borrowers. https://t.co/gkeoF89cXc

— NBC News (@NBCNews) April 12, 2024

• This headline: NPR in Turmoil After It Is Accused of Liberal Bias feels ripped from the Onion, or better yet NYT Pitchbot. You may recall that earlier in the week NPR business section editor Uri Berliner wrote a 3,500 word essay for Bari Weiss' Substack 🙃 about NPR losing the trust of its conservative listenership. If I weren't a critic, I would have changed the channel at "Bari Weiss' Substack" (though then I would have missed that super cool photo of Berliner in a leather jacket). But it's immediately noticeable that while Berliner founds his argument on data from NPR listener surveys (no, he doesn't link to them) where a higher percentage of listeners identified themselves as liberal in 2023, than 2011... he doesn't seem to consider: How were the concepts of liberal, moderate, and conservative explained? What were the overall sizes of both surveys? And also, like, the term conservative has shifted in the past 13 years, and I'm not surprised the people who thought of themselves as conservative in 2011 looked at the January 6 insurrection and thought Y'know? I'm probably more of a moderate. In the coming days, we'll see if anyone comes out and identifies Uri Berliner as the business department's dumbest boi who they all knew would eventually write something long for a site with a color background. He's certainly not self aware enough to look in the mirror and recognize how cliched it is for an old white dude to be miffed about DEI.

•  And now for your reminder about IG birthday wishes—promptly at 6:30 am, Stef. Don't make me remind you again, or you might just not make the Girl's Trip.

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Mean Girls (2004) with Kickstand Comedy Improv
Tina Fey tried to make "fetch" happen again in this year's musical "twist on a modern classic," a phrase that made me feel irreparably old. (Pack it up, fellow millennials—our journey to cultural obsolescence is complete, I guess.) However, you can't improve upon perfection, so 2024's Mean Girls sorta Shein-ified the original. I recommend reliving the fanatical chokehold on teen society of Mean Girls (2004) at this screening, during which Kickstand Comedy's improvisers will devise scenes based on the film. LC
(Tomorrow Theater, Richmond, $15)

As the city of Portland prepares to make deep cuts to avoid a projected budget deficit for the 2024-25 fiscal year, Portlanders are pressuring city council to keep Portland Street Response off the chopping block.

Residents showed up in force during a budget listening session Wednesday, April 10, insisting the non-police, alternative response program not only be safe from budget cuts, but be expanded to a 24/7 service. 

Cathy Spofford, a former social worker who spent more than two decades working in public health, was one of several who appeared virtually for the hybrid meeting to testify about the critical role Portland Street Response (PSR) plays in responding to residents in mental distress. 

Spofford said during her career, she worked primarily with people who were unhoused and had mental health and addiction issues.

“When I was working, we didn't have a Portland Street Response option,” Spofford recalled. “We didn’t often have to call the police, but when we did, it was very traumatizing for the people who were in crisis and already traumatized.”

She said the program’s staff are trained in de-escalation and have the expertise to respond to mental health crises, relieving police from having to respond to those calls.

“Let the Portland Police focus on their mission of public safety, and Portland Street Response focus on helping people who are in crisis.”

Spofford’s plea to the council was followed by over a dozen more.

“The Portland Street Response has a brief but proven track record," Terry Dalsemer wrote in testimony submitted to the council. “So many problematic issues on the street can be quickly de-escalated, if not resolved, by trained mental health personnel.”

Dalsemer said with adequate funding, the program can “enhance our city and calm the fears of many.”

The onslaught of comments comes on the heels of a proposal to severely slash PSR’s budget, to make up for ballooning overtime and staff costs in the fire bureau, which houses PSR. 

Commissioner Rene Gonzalez, who oversees the fire bureau, and ultimately PSR, pushed back on what he called “false expectations” for the program.

Citing 2023 data that shows police response times are getting slower, despite an exponential call volume increase for PSR, Gonzalez said investing more in PSR won’t alleviate staffing needs for fire or police bureaus.

“I think that’s a false narrative,” Gonzalez said. “I don’t think it’s supported by the data.”

He said the program plays an important role in the scope of city services, but suggested the public is putting too much stock in the capacity of PSR to be a homelessness response and solutions team.

Two weeks prior to the budget listening session, members of Mayor Ted Wheeler’s staff insisted the city would find a way to fund and stabilize the program. Wheeler stopped short of reiterating those promises on Wednesday.

“There will be something in this budget for everyone to be upset about,” Wheeler cautioned during the listening session ahead of the 2024-25 budget adoption. “This is probably the toughest budget I’ve had to do in 18 years of public service.”

The two-hour listening session was one of three scheduled before the council moves into the next phase of budget planning. Other sessions are scheduled for 10 am Saturday, April 13 and again at 6:30 pm Monday, April 15.

Citing inflation and increased personnel costs, diminished growth in property tax revenue, and softening of business license fees, city financial leaders say Portland’s anticipated expenses will far outstrip its projected revenues. In response, Wheeler asked each city bureau to trim 5 percent from its requested budget, with the exception of fire, police, and public safety departments.

But even with budget cuts, the mayor and the city's finance department are painting a bleak picture for the next fiscal year, which begins in July.

Wheeler said that, even with the proposed budget reductions, the finance team is coming up “about $20 million short” in the proposed budget.

Tim Grewe, the city’s budget director, reminded the public that the city has limited general funds at its disposal. Grewe said discretionary funding accounts for only 10 percent of the city’s budget, meaning the rest is more or less earmarked for a specific use.

“Ninety percent of city resources are dedicated from restricted resources such as utility rates, grants, capital projects supported by bonds and debt issuance, and dedicated tax levies,” Grewe said. 

The city is also grappling with higher than anticipated costs for a host of voter-mandated city government reform measures that need to be operational by January 1, 2025.

Wheeler said decisions about where to allocate limited funds will be guided by public priorities.

“The public has told us clearly in recent years homelessness, public safety, and gun violence reduction, addressing livability issues and responding to the economic consequences of COVID and restoring our city–those have been priorities that the public has been very clear about,” Wheeler said.

Wednesday’s listening session was dominated by Portlanders urging an expansion and stable funding for PSR, but others also urged the city not to disinvest in gun violence reduction resources. Others testified about the need for increased funding for neighborhood associations and the district coalition in Southwest Portland, which will soon include more than 30 associations.

More info on the budget process and opportunities for input is available on the city's budget office site.

Colibri by Tamale Boy
Tamale Boy owner Jaime Soltero soft opened this Sinoloan-inspired spinoff (named for the Spanish word for "hummingbird") in the Pearl District at the end of March. The menu features dishes like birria and grits, tacos gobernador, and the famed specialty chilorio (slow-cooked pork fried in chili sauce)—as well as Soltero's signature tamales.
Pearl District

Let the bells ring and the confetti fall: PIZZA WEEK IS BACK, BAY-BEE! And the best pizza pie makers in Portland are ready to strut their pizza stuff! 

Happening right now and until SUNDAY April 21, thePortland Mercury's Pizza Week will make its long-awaited return, giving pizza-loving Mercury readers the chance to get special slices from some of Portland's finest purveyors of pizza pies... for a mere three dollars each! That's right: Each slice is just THREE MEASLY DOLLARS or, at participating venues, a WHOLE PIE for $24. (You heard correctly: Once again this year certain Pizza Week participants may also be offering $24 whole pies along with slices—or whole pies alone!)

And with big thanks and a howdy-do to our pizza-loving pals at Jim Beam and Mule Extracts, the Mercury is proud to present what might be our greatest Pizza Week lineup ever—one that features wildly creative slices from more than a whopping 50 (!!) Portland locations, available across the city and lovingly crafted by your favorite pizza masterminds. Where are they? Check out the official Pizza Week map here!

WANT A PEEK AT THE PIZZA WEEK 2024 SLICES AND PIES?You can find them all right here! (Dear god, they look delicious. You should totally share a pic of your slice and tag it #portlandpizzaweek!)

WANT THE LATEST PIZZA WEEK 2024 INFO? Sign up for Mercury newsletters for the latest live updates and follow along on MercuryInstagram and Facebook. These are great resources for everyone who intends on sampling every slice!

Remember, our participating pizza places will be trying their best to deliver great slices and pies while KEEPING YOU AND THEIR EMPLOYEES SANE. Please be patient, tip well, and follow their wise advice!

 Before digging in, here are a few things to keep in mind:

•Everyone loves Pizza Week! As one of the city’s most beloved food events, the Portland Mercury’s Pizza Week is very popular—which means that some locations will be busy, and other locations might sell out of their sought-after slices. Life's too short to be frustrated! Simply visit another Pizza Week location, or come back the next day. You’ll still be able to get that delicious pizza inside your mouth!

•Check the hours and fine print of each Pizza Week location before visiting! To avoid any disappointment or misunderstanding, be sure to check all the details (right here) of your Pizza Week restaurant visit BEFORE dropping in. Some places might not have the pizza available during all business hours and others may have limits on how many slices and/or whole pizzas you can order. So read carefully! You'll be glad—not sad or mad!

 •Tip, and tip well! An event as big as Pizza Week takes a ton of work—so show your appreciation to the chefs and waitstaff who make this event such a wondrous treat for your tummy.

•Don’t forget sides and drinks! These pizza joints are giving you a smokin' deal with these inexpensive slices and pies. And these same businesses need your support in these tough economic times. Help them out by snapping up the scrumptious sides and drinks available at all Pizza Week locations!

This could be the best pizza week ever, so don't miss out! Take a peek at all the slices and pies here, and don't miss the Mercury's PIZZA WEEK 2024—happening NOW and running through Sunday, April 21!

GOOD MORNING, SUNDAY! It's the perfect time to catch up on some of the great reporting and stories the Mercury churned out this week! (PRO TIP: If you despise being "the last to know," then be one of the first to know by signing up for Mercury newsletters! All the latest stories shipped directly to your email's in-box... and then... YOUR HEAD.)

•Say Nice Things About Portland... Again!

It's back! Check out the Mercury's second "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue online *and* in print, and available at more than 500 locations citywide! Discover the very best things about our city, and learn how to make it even better!

•Mayor Wheeler Revises Homeless Plan In Attempt to Avoid Legal Challenges

After legal challenges, Mayor Wheeler is proposing a revamped ordinance regulating where the city’s unhoused residents can camp in public. This time, he might get the support of the only commissioner who voted against the city’s previous attempt.

•POP QUIZ PDX!

Hey smarty butt! 🍑 See how well YOU score on our latest super fun trivia game! This week: Lake Oswego's rich crybabies, an (un)fond farewell to Buffalo Wild Wings, and criminal cops (and firefighters, too)! 🤔🧠

•Frustrated with Biden’s Stance on Gaza, Activists Want Voters to Write “Uncommitted” on Their Ballots

Voters in several states have already cast their "uncommitted" vote in Democratic primaries, to send a message to Biden. Activists want Oregon to do the same, but those votes likely won't be counted or reported out, due to Oregon's election laws.

•Sleater-Kinney Gives Hometown Portland the Eras Treatment

A live review of Sleater-Kinney in Portland: While the band was touring a new album, the show was built for those who had loved their long career, resulting in something akin to a Sleater-Kinney twist on the Eras tour.

•THE TRASH REPORT

Let's go, trash pandas! 🦝 It's time for the trashiest gossip of the week. In this episode: The Rock suddenly gets shy, your new billionaire bestie, and the East Coast stole our eclipse! 🌞

•STREET VIEW

What's the rational approach to addressing safety issues on public transit? Perhaps something other than sweeping the problem under the rug or advocating for extremist, carceral responses to perceived threats.

•The Beast Is a Sci-Fi Time-Traveling Romance Alive With the Anxiety of 2024

REVIEW: Bertrand Bonello crammed so much into The Beast, that it threatens to tear at the seams, but the chemistry between Léa Seydoux and George MacKay holds it together.

•HEAR IN PORTLAND

In this week's music column, Jenni Moore tells us about St. Johns Rapper Mat Randol's new EP "The World Keeps Spinning," we hear Kyle "Smyle Again," and soul singer-songwriter Julia Logue plays Jack London with saxophonist BrandonLee Cierley.

•Don't Miss the Hilarious TWO EVILS Comedy Game Show—Coming April 24!

Get your tickets NOW for the funniest comedy game show in town, TWO EVILS with Arlo Weierhauser & Kate Murphy! The audience will compete against special guest ZAK TOSCANI for fabulous (and only slightly evil) prizes. Hurry before it sells out!

•Theater Review: Don't Google Nassim

Nassim, a play co-produced by Boom Arts and Portland Center Stage, shouldn't be spoiled, but we have a few tips you can know. Here's our *Spoiler-Free* review.

•Ticket Alert!

Aerosmith will walk this way on their Farewell tour, Mexican quintet Fuerza Regida will also be swinging through town, and Wanda Sykes will bring the laughs on her Please & Thank You tour. Get all those tix and more with our TICKET ALERT!

•SAVAGE LOVE

Will his new polyamorous lifestyle endanger his current child custody agreement? Depends on where he lives! Dan Savage and a guest expert take on this thorny (and horny) legal issue in this week's SAVAGE LOVE!

WOW, THAT IS A LOT OF GOOD READIN'. I hope you didn't have any other plans this weekend! Dig in, and remember: Producing all this hard work costs moolah—so please consider contributing to the Mercury to keep it all coming! Thanks!

To the owner of the Audi Q5 with studded tires driving around our pothole-pocked street this April — first off, your car doesn’t need them. All wheel drive and some decent snowflake tires will allow you to get to the top of Timberline, much less your West Hills driveway, during the briefest of our ice storms. Also, end of March was the time to take them off, not mid June. When I hear the crunch of your approach on our dry, daffodil-lined neighborhood roads it is everything I can do to not toss a brick through your windshield.

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Hope you haven't eaten anything for the past few days, because you are gonna need ALL that empty space in your stomach for the Mercury's PIZZA WEEK which starts today and runs through Sunday! There are more than 50 (!) participating pizza places this year, and each slice is only gonna run you $3! WHAT.YES! And now let's fill up all that empty space in your brain with today's NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Get excited, because the Mercury's second annual SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND is now online and on the streets in more than 500 places citywide! We've got a fantastic lineup of stories this year about Portland's awesomeness, including a love note from the hilarious Ian Karmel, an interview with Sleater-Kinney, a get-off-your-ass pep talk from yours truly, and lots more! You'll get pissed at the buttholes who are running down your town while falling in love with Portland all over again. READ IT ALREADY!

It's back! Check out the Mercury's second "SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND" issue online *and* in print, and available at more than 500 locations citywide! Discover the very best things about our city, and learn how to make it even better! 🌹😍https://t.co/xJ0cfTxAKX

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) April 12, 2024

• As the city council weighs their current budget priorities, the popular and successful Portland Street Response program remains under attack (primarily from mental health hater Commish Rene Gonzalez and his rich pals) and could lose much of its funding. However, there's still time for you to make your voice heard! Our Courtney Vaughn has the details.

• Nathan Vasquez, the business alliance and People for Portland's choice for Multnomah County DA 🤮, has been called out by local defense attorneys for using his space in the voters' guide to accuse a man, who has currently not been charged of a crime, of being a serial killer. It's all part of Vasquez's performative "tough on crime" campaign, and a Lewis & Clark law professor has even gone as far as to file an ethics complaint against Vasquez, saying the prosecutor (and especially a candidate for DA) should know that a suspect is innocent until proven guilty.

Hate speech at a recent Bend committee meeting highlights the worst actors attaching themselves to anti-DEI efforts as the latest culture war issue. https://t.co/lXTZ3tCFY2

— Ryan Haas (@ryanjhaas) April 15, 2024

• Pam Parker—the former sister-in-law of Mark Parker, Nike’s executive chairman and former CEO—has been revealed as just one of numerous women who have come forward in the last few years to speak of repeated inappropriate sexual behavior within the shoe giant. Parker says that during a Nike work gathering a few years ago, she was lured into a hotel room by a manager requesting a business meeting, at which point he "locked the door, pinned her against a wall, and forcefully started to kiss her." During her Nike tenure she adds that she "experienced a work environment that was hostile, demeaning and misogynistic towards female employees,” adding that “senior leadership … set the tone for the toxic work environment I was forced to endure.”

• The Blazers' season is sadly over, and after getting demolished by the Sacramento Kings on Sunday afternoon (by a score of 121-82... ouch), our hometown team finished this season with the worst record in the Western Conference. 😬 The good news is that the Blazers have a chance—a small, but hopeful 13.3 percent chance—of receiving the No. 1 pick in the upcoming NBA draft.

Think you're a smarty butt? See how you score on my latest POP QUIZ PDX, featuring funny trivia about criminal cops (and firefighters), crybaby billionaires, and the James Beard-award winning Buffalo Wild Wings! 🤪https://t.co/fd419rcJEE

— Wm. Steven Humphrey (@WmSteveHumphrey) April 12, 2024

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

•Jury selection is scheduled to begin today in the first criminal trial of a former US president... you guessed it... Donald Trump. This particular trial revolves around the New York hush money case in which Trump has been accused of paying off adult actress Stormy Daniels about their affair running up to the 2016 election. Jury selection is expected to last about two weeks, but prosecutors and the defense are already arguing over what evidence can and cannot be introduced, such as the infamous Access Hollywood tape in which Trump bragged about non-consensually "grabbing" women by their genitals.

• A jury of his peers?

Another fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago. pic.twitter.com/usVE0t8FsJ

— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) April 15, 2024

• Leaders from around the globe (including Biden) are urging Israel not to strike back after Iran attacked them Saturday with hundreds of drones, along with ballistic and cruise missiles. Israel claims that 99 percent of the missiles were intercepted before reaching their targets. Biden and other world leaders rightly worry that retaliation from Israel—such as the one where they've killed more than 33,000 people in Gaza—could lead to a wider war in the Middle East.

• Your mysteriousmystery of the day: Grotesque and undeserving Justice Clarence Thomas did not show up for oral arguments this morning at the Supreme Court, who against tradition, mysteriously did not supply a reason for Thomas' absence. (Wherever he is, maybe he'll just stay there.)

• Public service reminder:

Ryan Gosling is a national treasure. pic.twitter.com/5NAagkQJG4

— Alfredo Brown (@ThePretendGM) April 14, 2024

• After racking up absolutely terrible sales in their first quarter—perhaps because people are finally getting the message they shouldn't be supporting Elon Musk in any fashion?—Tesla is laying off 10 percent of their workforce, which is expected to affect about 14,000 of the 140,473 employees. Elon Musk is expected to remain a boorish, hate-filled billionaire.

• And finally... going into this week like, "Fuck off, haters!"

Bro refused to get eaten LMAOOO pic.twitter.com/X5N5aHmyQv

— Nature is Amazing ☘️ (@AMAZlNGNATURE) April 14, 2024

Gear up, Trash Pandas! It's me, Elinor Jones, welcoming you to this column: The Trash Report. It's Tax Day today, which is probably a fun day for the mega rich to feel smug about how much they've evaded sharing this year. Me, I'm feeling bummed that all the money that is withheld from my paycheck that could help to fund a society where we take care of each other, but instead of us having universal healthcare, Israel gets weapons.

Having set the baseline of malaise, let's move on to funnier things! 

A volcano in Italy has been spitting out smoke and ash, including some perfect this-would-have-been-so-hot-in-high-school smoke rings. Volcanologists aren't expecting a major eruption, so people near the volcano haven't been evacuated from the area. And I'm sure those scientists know what they're talking about and people in the area are currently safe. However. If it were me, I would definitely start being lightning-quick on the toilet, lest the volcano go off when I'm doing something embarrassing and I get Pompeii-ed mid-dump and then preserved in ash for thousands of years until eventually being discovered by a future people who will find my situation so amusing that they put my pooping corpse in a museum and then everyone would know that I pooped and I'd be laughed at by children on field trips until the end of that civilization. But that's just me.

Speaking of dying, O.J. Simpson died last week at the age of 76. He was good in The Naked Gun, I'll give him that. The rest of his legacy—yikes.

Margot Robbie's production company has announced its plan to make a movie based on the classic board game Monopoly. I am into it! Barbie taught feminism 101 to the masses; let's let Monopoly serve as a treatise on the inherent wrongness of a wealthiest among us profiting off a basic human necessity like having a place to live and the general unethicality of exploitative property development. It could be the movie that changes everything. Unless they go with a screenwriter who was the one in the family that ruined it for everybody by building hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place and then being a huge dick about bankrupting everyone else with its exorbitant rent. As long as everyone agrees that the guy with the top hat is the bad guy, I am seeing some real potential here.

But people have to be haters, and internet conversations all include a bunch of lame jokes about which plotless board game will be next. "What's next, Checkers? Jenga? You wanna make a Jenga movie? What, fuckin'CONNECT FOUR?" And I will stop you right there, because that one works. I am in a best friend group of four women. I have two separate other friend groups of exactly four people. Four is the correct number for a collection of people. It's the best table in a restaurant—no pulling up an extra chair for some poor schmuck to sit at one end. Four is the maximum number of heads that will fit into a photobooth picture. Four is how many adults fit comfortably in a car. So let's talk about this Connect Four movie: I am seeing three friends realize that something is missing and they desperately seek a fourth, but they keep being blocked by outside forces, until finally, one day, through either meticulous planning or pure dumb luck, the pieces line up just so, and they find their fourth friend, thus creating a powerful block which shall emerge victorious! "But Elinor," you say. "Is this not the plot of the 1990s supernatural teen thriller THE CRAFT?" To which I say: "DING FUCKING DING." A Connect Four movie already exists, it stars Fairuza Balk and Neve Campbell, and it's perfect!

Now let the people workshop a Jenga movie. This shit works.

In non-existing-IP movie news, I saw Monkey Man over the weekend, and it fucking ruled. This isn't gossip, just a heads up that you should go see it at the movie theater. Very cool, very gory.

There is literal trash, there is gossip that we call trash, and then there is the color of J. Lo's new jeans, which is its own new category of trash. "Distressed" isn't a strong enough word for denim that looks like it was forged in a dirty diaper pail. I'd call that devastated denim. Or depressed denim. She used to have a little, now she has a lot... of dirt on her pants!

Speaking of jeans, music festival Coachella kicked off over the weekend, bringing out all sorts of famous people in some spectacularly regular clothes! Festival time used to be for our Vanessa Hudgenses to flaunt weird crochet bikinis so that months later, basic girlies could buy a knockoff from Free People. I'm still haunted by images of Coachella from years ago, when Kendall Jenner wore the worst jean shorts I'd ever seen in my life, prompting the baggy jorts style to become widespread that 19-year-old influences regularly shared a silhouette with suburban dads. Thankfully, the fashion this year seems to be pretty chill, and Miss Jenner herself showed up in black jeans and a grey hoodie, an outfit virtually identical to how I dress every single day. Your girl's in style again, folks! The takeaway here is to keep dressing like you did in college, and every 20 years or so, it will be cool. 

Also at Coachella, Kesha said this: 

WAKE UP IN THE MORNING LIKE FUCK P DIDDY

— kesha (@KeshaRose) April 15, 2024

This lil internet site is also sometimes a newspaper, and we put out our second Say Nice Things About Portland issue ~in print~ this week! I wrote a piece about the city's cutest critters, and I included my very own dog on that list. I mean, look at her! 

Intrepid readers may notice that this picture of my dog includes a glimpse of my foot. You're welcome, sickos. Read the rest of the guide; so many smart people wrote gorgeous things. 

A less cute critter is the turkey that busted through a Portland trucker's windshield, resulting in severe injuries to the driver to the point that he now wears an eyepatch. I think I went too deep into the Monopoly-movie land because I keep trying to turn every event into a major motion picture. We'd call it: Thanksgiving: Judgment Day, and it's partly a study of the violent colonialist origins of the holiday, and partly a story of this trucker seeking vengeance against the bird who took his eye. 

Anyway, I'm already at my word count and I barely wrote about any news. Haha, sorry! I had a good time writing all of this though, and I hope you had a good time reading it. Please have a wonderful week, and please buy yourself or someone else a $10 treat simply for surviving. You deserve it.

Hopefully,

The Ladds 500 is an annual bicycle relay race around a traffic circle in Southeast Portland's Ladd's Addition. But it's really so much more than that: As the first big bike social of the year, the ride is a chance to come out of winter hibernation, see pals from last summer's Pedalpalooza, and show off zany outfits and bikes. 

The event's organizer, David Barstow Robinson, started Ladd's 500 in 2016. Its name refers to a stated goal of the relay—to bike 500 laps around Ladd Circle Park. That distance ostensibly adds up to 100 miles, though the exact measurement is in dispute and being nitpicky about mileage really isn't the point. Besides, it can be hard to keep track of all the laps, especially with all the baton-passing going on. (The "batons" at the Ladds 500 are typically Rainier cans, or sometimes hot dogs.) 

While it's always the "first annual" Ladds 500 (that title is a little joke that embodies the event's unserious energy), this year marked the seventh anniversary, and biggest turnout yet. At the ride's peak, thousands of people were either hanging out in Ladd Circle or making their way around it. The race wasn't limited to bikes—participants rode roller skates, skateboards, unicycles, and other modes of travel. 

As word of the fun relay race has spread, Ladds 500 has grown in popularity—ballooning back after a two-year pandemic hiatus—and as a result its logistics have become more complicated and expensive. Donations collected through bike event nonprofit Umbrella PDX helped make this year's race possible.

But on Saturday in Ladds Addition, everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. Even Portland City Council candidates came together to form their own team "Cruising to City Council," among whose membership we saw Timur Ender, Jesse Cornett, and Bicycle Transit Alliance founder Rex Burkholder.

With its motto of "let's do something stupid" and rules that prioritize fun over winning ("cheating will be tolerated as long as it's funny"), the Ladds 500 embodies the best of Portland and its quirky bike community.

Bianca Del Rio: Dead Inside Comedy Tour
"Well, well, well! I hope you bitches are ready!"RuPaul's Drag Race season six winner Bianca Del Rio is also a legend in her own right, dominating the New York scene and popping up with legends like Lady Bunny. That said, your girl is back on tour and feeling dead inside, so show up to give her a reason to reanimate. LC
(Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, Southwest Portland, $41.75 - $52.47)

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! The weather forecast can no longer be trusted. Spring is unpredictable, like an emotionally detached, fickle lover. It brings us flowers, but it does what it wants, doesn’t really care what you want or need, and it can’t always be relied on. Probably safe to expect a toss-up of sunshine and clouds today, as weather.com predicts, but don’t get too comfortable. 

Yesterday was tax day. Everybody good?

      View this post on Instagram            

A post shared by ℕ𝕆𝕆𝔻𝕃𝔼𝕊 (@noodlesthepooch)

Let’s delve into the world of discomfort and wonder that is current events.

InLOCAL NEWS:

• Portland-based indie band Sleater-Kinney has been around for 30 years. Archetypes of the riot grrrl scene of the 1990s, the band refined their songwriting over the years, leaning heavily into post-punk and rock’n’roll influences, while garnering praise from music critics along the way. In the Mercury’s new "Say Nice Things About Portland" issue, we caught up with Carrie Brownstein and Corin Tucker of Sleater-Kinney, to talk about their history, their future, and why they still call Portland home.

  Don't miss this interview with Carrie Brownstein and Corin Tucker of Sleater-Kinney in which they reflect on 30 years as a band, and why they're still proud to call Portland home. (It's part of our SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT PORTLAND issue, on the streets now!)https://t.co/iL6T7V9XbI

  — Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) April 15, 2024

• The Portland Police Bureau has a new babysitter. The mayor’s office announced Monday that the city and the US Department of Justice jointly appointed MPS & Associates to be the new independent monitor of the police bureau’s settlement agreement with the DOJ that's been in effect since 2014. The DOJ gave the police bureau a slap on the wrist after the bureau demonstrated a pattern of using excessive force against people with mental illness. MPS & Associates will be tasked with making sure the police are adhering to the terms of the settlement agreement.
• Sneakerheads, rejoice. Portland’s own sneaker-themed boutique and coffee shop, Deadstock Coffee, teamed up with Boston Celtics powerhouse Jayson Tatum to design a mocha-inspired pair of Jordans, for the latest iteration of the Jordan Tatum 2. The crisp white sneaker features a brown crackle colorway. It’s not the first time the cafe’s purveyor has seen his company’s logo on a shoe. Last fall, the company released a limited quantity of “Drip Force 1s” and in 2021, Deadstock teamed with Adidas for a sneaker inspired by bulk bags of beans, complete with a “country of origin” inspired tongue and sold in a burlap sack. 

        View this post on Instagram            

  A post shared by Deadstock Coffee & Gallery (@deadstockcoffee)

   

• This week, it's the most wonderful tiiime of the year, AKA, Pizza Week! Your friends at the Mercury are always scheming to feed the masses for cheap. This week, we've partnered with a boatload of pizza parlors around the city to bring you specialty slices for just $3. Want a whole pie? You can nab one for $24. You're welcome!

  The most delicious week of the year is here... it's the Mercury's PIZZA WEEK, featuring creative, one-of-a-kind slices from more than 50 (!) of the city's best pizza makers... and for only $3 each?? YES!!! Let's start eating! 🍕😍https://t.co/b7UmuPtWVE

  — Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) April 15, 2024

  In NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Predictably, Donald Trump’s hush money trial is off to a rocky start. Jury selection has yet to happen, but the judge presiding over the case apparently has no patience for Trump’s desperate, whiny lawyers. Business Insider brilliantly laid out the missteps and bench slaps (everyone's new favorite phrase) handed to Trump’s legal team, as they try to defend him against charges of falsifying business records to conceal money paid to porn star Stormy Daniels, to keep her quiet about an alleged affair she had with Trump. The trial is one of four the GOP frontrunner faces.

  Can they just televise the testimony of the Playboy model when she talks about the affair she had with Trump for a year during Melania’s entire pregnancy. Just that part and I’m good.

  — Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) April 16, 2024

• Iran launched a series of missile strikes and drone bombs at Israel last weekend, in an apparent retaliation for what’s believed to be an attack by Israel on Iran’s embassy in Syria on April 1. If it feels perplexing to keep tabs on all the wars and conflicts taking place around the globe, don’t feel bad. The world is a messy place right now. In a nutshell, Iran and Israel have a long, sordid history of beef with each other, with both countries killing civilians or military assets (like nuclear scientists) from the other.
• Speaking of Israel, the AP reports House Speaker Mike Johnson is now trying to split up a foreign aid bill that includes military funding for Ukraine, Taiwan, and Israel, in an effort to get approval from the House of Representatives. Republicans are trying to tank efforts to aid Ukraine (WTAF?!) which means whatever gets approved could be a shell of the funding package the Senate passed earlier this year.
• In case anyone needs reminded that we live in the upside down now, the US Supreme Court is deciding a case about what level of bribery is appropriate for government officials and politicians to accept from private people who may stand to gain from their decisions. I think this is the wrong judicial body to be determining issues of morality, but hey, they're the best we got, right? As Rolling Stone points out, a justice compared a politician accepting a $13,000 gift from a private contractor to a "taking a teacher to the Cheesecake Factory."

  Supreme Court justices, under fire for accepting undisclosed luxury gifts, are not so sure about the difference between a contractor delivering a $13,000 gratuity to a politician and taking a teacher, doctor, or police officer out to the Cheesecake Factory https://t.co/cgO7ra0wIV

  — Andrew Perez (@andrewperezdc) April 16, 2024

[ Read more ]

Are you looking for a hilarious, live comedy show where YOU can walk away with a fabulous PRIZE (or two)?

Well, you're in luck, because Mercury Geniuses of Comedy, Arlo Weierhauser and Kate Murphy, are your hosts for the most diabolical, hilarious, and EVIL live game show in town: TWO EVILS! Join Arlo and Kate as they ask a series of truly evil questions, and it’s up to our special guest contestant and the audience (who will vote on their phones) to decide between TWO VERY EVIL ANSWERS. Are there prizes? You bet your butt! Is there comedy? Oh, absolutely! 

Plus, this time around we'll be welcoming special guest comedian ZAK TOSCANI! SO GET THOSE TIX QUICK NOW AND HERE!

Don’t miss the most delightful and morally corrupt comedy game show of the century… TWO EVILS with Arlo & Kate!

WHEN: Wednesday, April 24, doors 7 PM / 7:30 pm show

WHERE: The Siren Theater, 3913 NE Mississippi

TICKETS: $15 advance, $20 door

Presented by your pals at the Portland Mercury!

Mike Norris is out as Portland Thorns head coach just four games into the 2024 NWSL season, the club announced on Tuesday. 

Norris, who served just over a year as head coach, is being moved into a new role as the club’s technical director. Rob Gale, one of Norris’ assistants, will take over as interim head coach while the club searches for a permanent replacement. 

“After an in-depth review, we have decided to start to reorganize our soccer operations department to better serve our club and our athletes,” Karina LeBlanc, the club’s president of soccer operations, said in a club statement. “Thorns FC have set the standard for excellence in the league. These changes will help us maximize our strengths as we continuously pursue championship-level success.”

The removal of Norris from the head coaching position comes in the midst of the Thorns’ worst-ever start to an NWSL season, with the club mired in last place having picked up just one point from their first four games. It represents a decisive move from the club’s new owners, the Blathals, who took the reins at the beginning of the year. 

Norris was appointed manager during one of the most trying periods of the club’s history, taking over in January of last year after the previous head coach, Rhian Wilkinson, abruptly resigned amid concerns over her relationship with a player.

Wilkinson’s departure wasn’t the only cloud hanging over the club. At the time of Norris’ hiring, then-owner Merritt Paulson had put the club up for sale following revelations that he and then-general manager Gavin Wilkinson had enabled former Thorns manager Paul Riley’s alleged abuse of players and helped protect him in its aftermath.

But while Norris stepped into a tumultuous situation off the field, he also inherited a championship-winning team with a considerable amount of talent and experience from which major success was expected in 2023.

The Thorns got off to an impressive start to last season, but fell off precipitously as the summer wore on — winning just three of their final nine games and falling at home to Gotham F.C. in extra time in the first round of the playoffs. 

The trendline did not improve this spring. The Thorns conceded five goals in the season opener at Kansas City and have yet to notch their first win, with questions mounting about the team’s defensive organization and Norris’ team selection. 

But while LeBlanc and the club’s new ownership, the Blathal family, decided to pull the plug on Norris’ time as manager, they’re happy he’s staying at the club as technical director. 

“He’s a processor,” LeBlanc said of Norris to Meg Linehan of The Athletic. “He’ll be up in the stands. One of his strengths is to analyze and process, then come down to communicate what needs to happen.”

The creation of the technical director role is an investment from the Blathal family in ensuring the Thorns have the front office resources to keep up in a growing and increasingly competitive league. 

Getting the head coaching hire right will be key in ensuring they’re in a position to win, and LeBlanc told The Athletic that the Thorns are preparing a global search.

“We’ve got to go out and get one of the best coaches in the world,” she told Linehan. “Rob Gale may make that decision hard; he has an opportunity to do that. But we’re going to do that global search right.”

In the meantime, the club is turning to Gale—one of the men Norris brought in ahead of last season. 

Gale, who grew up mainly in England, has previous head coaching experience from his time leading Valour FC in the Canadian Premier League and was an assistant on Nick Cushing’s staff at New York City FC prior to joining Norris in Portland. 

The Thorns did not announce any other changes to the coaching staff. Sarah Lowdon, an assistant coach who joined the club during the offseason, twice served as interim head coach of the Houston Dash before arriving in Portland. 

LeBlanc’s statement to The Athletic suggests that Gale will be given an opportunity to prove himself in the job, but, given the backing of the new ownership group, the job will likely attract a number of high-profile candidates. The Thorns have one of the league’s most talented rosters and remain one of its best-supported clubs. 

One potential candidate will have plenty of popular support: Mark Parsons, the manager who led the Thorns for five seasons before leaving in 2021 to manage the Netherlands women’s national team, is available after he was fired by the Washington Spirit at the end of last season.

Parsons, who won a championship and two NWSL Shields during his time in Portland, was at Providence Park with his daughter to watch the Thorns earlier in the year. 

If Parsons does end up returning, it will be to a very different club. When he left to return to Europe less than three years ago, the Riley scandal was still unfolding—Paulson was still the owner, LeBlanc had only just replaced Wilkinson as general manager. 

Since then, the Thorns have moved decisively forward. Their first game under Gale’s leadership will be this Saturday, at Providence Park, against Houston. 

Juxtaposed with the nearby bustling commercial centers on SE Hawthorne Blvd and Division Street, Portland’s Brentwood-Darlington neighborhood feels quiet and residential, even suburban. 

Residents south of Foster Road between SE Cesar Chavez Boulevard and SE 92nd Avenue have enjoyed relatively low housing prices compared to parts of Portland closer to the city center. But the neighborhood quaintness and single-family housing affordability have come at the expense of other important amenities, like transportation infrastructure and convenient, accessible grocery stores. 

With the Lower Southeast Rising Area Plan, led by the Portland Bureau of Transportation (PBOT) and Bureau of Planning and Sustainability (BPS), the city wants to course-correct. The plan, which primarily focuses on the Brentwood-Darlington neighborhood as well as parts of Woodstock, Mt. Scott-Arleta, and Lents, aims to reshape land use and transportation in areas of Portland. The goal is to provide opportunities for neighborhood businesses, create more multi-unit affordable housing complexes, and make it easier and safer for people to get around and access what they need. 

After three years of planning, the Portland Planning Commission released a recommended draft for the Lower Southeast Rising plan earlier this month. 

Throughout the planning period, area residents have provided mixed testimony about the project’s goals. While many people want to see improvements like sidewalk infill and other street safety measures, others are concerned about how the plan might push current residents out of the neighborhoods they’ve lived in for years. Project planners say they hope to address those concerns through efforts to maintain the current community, while ensuring the area is equipped to handle new residents and become more self-sustaining. 

A hearing for the plan is set to go before Portland City Council later in April. 

Lower Southeast Portland has a long history of disinvestment from the city, evident from the area’s lack of sidewalks, accessible bus lines, and tree canopy coverage. This can be partially attributed to the area’s historical classification as a “yellow-lined” part of the city. 

Back in the 1930s, the New Deal-created Home Owners’ Loan Corporation (HOLC) began appraising neighborhoods across the country for their lending risk, largely based on the racial and ethnic makeup of an area (in addition to economic demographics). The HOLC determined the majority of lower Southeast Portland was “definitely declining” and advised lenders to practice caution when providing home loans to people who wanted to buy houses in the area. 

Home values in formerly “yellow-lined” neighborhoods still have some of the lowest overall values in the city, keeping housing prices relatively affordable, but also limiting residents’ access to important infrastructure. 

Many neighborhoods in the Lower Southeast Rising project area are some of the oldest in the city, founded in the late 1800s and further populated during the early 20th century’s streetcar “golden age.” Some of these neighborhoods were then annexed into the city of Portland, but Errol Heights (now Brentwood-Darlington) remained unincorporated until 1986, when unchecked sewage problems in the community forced Portland’s government to step in. Brentwood-Darlington’s late annexation is another factor contributing to its relative disinvestment. 

“In large part because of its history and development before it was part of the City of Portland, the Lower Southeast Plan Area lacks much of the same infrastructure and access to businesses and services that Portlanders in other parts of the city enjoy,” the plan’s latest draft states. “This has led to a quieter, rural-feeling pocket of the city cherished by some community members even as some find the lack of infrastructure and proximity to services a real hindrance to living the lives they want to.” 

City planners say the area was never built to handle the growth and transportation needs of modern day Portland.  

Zoning code throughout the project area overwhelmingly prohibits commercial uses, leading to a lack of neighborhood grocery stores and restaurants within a short travel distance. According to project planners, “community members indicated their top land use priority for the area was the need for more local businesses and commercial opportunities.” 

Only 10 percent of the project area is zoned for multi-unit dwellings, meaning rental housing supply is lower than in other parts of the city. Low-income housing complexes can be found in eastern portions of the plan area, particularly near the Lents Town Center, but are otherwise mostly absent. 

The plan lays out proposed zoning code changes that will enable Brentwood-Darlington and the surrounding area to become “complete neighborhoods where residents can meet their needs locally.” One proposal is to create a new neighborhood center in the heart of Brentwood-Darlington around SE 72nd Avenue and Flavel Street, providing a new place for residents to fulfill their day-to-day needs within walking distance. The plan also proposes designating SE 52nd and SE 72nd Avenues as “neighborhood corridors,” allowing for expanded housing and commercial opportunities along the streets and at its key intersections. 

With regard to transportation needs, many streets in the project area lack sidewalks entirely. In addition, the project area has a dearth of public transportation and bike routes, despite its compact street grid creating ideal conditions for traveling outside a car. 

The recommended draft plan proposes to fix that, adding corridor improvements and neighborhood greenways that would support safe biking, walking, and access to transit. 

The largest recommended corridor improvement project is a $9.7 million renovation of SE Woodstock Blvd from 52nd Avenue to Foster Road, adding enhanced pedestrian crossings, upgrading additional bike lanes to protected lanes, and more. The plan also proposes building new neighborhood greenways—which utilize speed humps and car traffic diverters to create low-stress transportation corridors for people biking, walking, or rolling—on SE 60th Ave from Mitchell to Nehalem, SE Tolman St from 52nd to 92nd, and SE Knapp St from 32nd to 52nd, among others. 

City planners also want to expand residents’ access to transit. Right now, none of the TriMet bus routes that cross the Lower Southeast core area run on a frequent basis, making it longer and more difficult for residents to rely on TriMet for daily transportation needs. To fix this, the lan proposes switching Line 19-Woodstock/Glisan and Line 71-60th Avenue to frequent service, meaning the buses would come every 15 minutes. The plan also suggests a few route changes to help construct a “bus grid” in the area.

One other major infrastructure deficit in lower SE Portland is its lack of tree canopy, resulting in more intense heat events for people in the project area compared to other places in the city. One way PBOT wants to fix this is through a pilot project that will repurpose street parking to make room for trees. Construction on this project will begin this summer just east of Brentwood-Darlington on SE Duke Street between 82nd and 92nd Avenues.

Most of the infrastructure plans outlined in the recommended draft are currently unfunded. The report lays out several potential near-term and future funding sources like gas tax revenue, system development charges and the Quick Build Program, which funds small transportation safety projects but is insufficient for significant sidewalk infill or repaving plans. 

Future, long-term sources of funding for the plan could include Metro Regional Flexible Funds, which distribute federal grants to local projects, the Metro Parks and Nature Bond, Local Improvement Districts, and public-private partnerships. Portland City Council’s approval of the plan will pave the way for BPS and PBOT to scout out project funding. 

So far, the Lower SE Rising plan has been met with mixed reviews from the community. One particularly contentious topic is the proposal to increase housing density in the area, which is currently made up of predominantly single family housing. 

One endorsement for increased housing density came from Erin Cottle Hunt, a professor at Reed College who recently moved to Portland. 

“I would like to purchase a home here in Portland (eventually), but am largely priced out of the market,” Hunt wrote in public testimony last September. “Changing some of the zoning designations in the Southeast neighborhoods could allow more development which could help increase housing affordability.” 

Others had a more critical response. 

Jessica Murri, a first-time homeowner on SE 72nd in Brentwood-Darlington, said it was a “gut punch” to hear that her home’s property value may be affected by the plan. 

“I see opportunity for multi-family apartments 10 blocks to the east, where SE 82nd is brimming with empty car lots and abandoned buildings,” Murri wrote. “It is a main thoroughfare, closer to public transit, bus lines, the MAX and the Springwater Corridor. But I would ask you to leave our neighborhood intact.” 

Jeff Mital asked planners if the “only path to [traffic safety] improvement comes from building giant apartments,” saying he didn’t see the link between larger multi-unit dwellings and street safety improvements.

The Lower SE Rising plan lays out the importance of considering land use and transportation projects in tandem with one another, pointing out that dense housing near commercial services facilitates sustainable, safe transportation because people will be able to walk, bike, or take transit to reach the services they need, rather than needing to rely on a car. 

But planners do want to keep existing residents in the neighborhood. A letter from the Planning Commission to City Council states that commissioners heard concerns that zone changes to allow more multi-dwelling housing “could destabilize the community and result in the loss of relatively affordable ownership housing.” 

“From a broad policy perspective, a failure to expand housing opportunities leads to a constrained supply of housing, higher housing prices, and additional displacement,” the letter states, adding the proposed zoning changes to allow multi-unit dwellings are concentrated along transit corridors and in the proposed neighborhood center. 

The plan also includes proposals to ensure current residents are able to stay and benefit from the area’s revitalization. 

Some residents say they’ll welcome any change to their neighborhoods, which they feel have been long abandoned. Mike Palmer, another resident who weighed in with public testimony last fall, said he and his neighbors have been “promised many things in the past and have been hugely disappointed by the city.” 

“We care about our neighbors and this neighborhood and need this development. We need this done for future generations that live here,” Palmer said. “We’re tired of being ignored or put off until later.” 

The current public comment period for the Lower SE Rising recommended draft is open until April 25, when the City Council hearing is set. 

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support! 

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! The sun is (supposed to be) shining, tax season is over, and, oh yeah, PIZZA WEEK is here. If you need some ideas for where to go, here are a few pies that look delectable to me personally: The "Chicken Shawarma!" at Baby Doll, the "So What, No F*ckin' Ziti Now?!" (yes, I'm a fan of pasta on pizza. Sue me, Italy) at Scottie's, the "Butcher's Bolognese" at Assembly Brewing, and many more. But before you go grab some delicious slices, read these important headlines. (The restaurants probably aren't open yet, anyway.)

IN LOCAL NEWS: 

• Real Mercuryheads will know that our Say Nice Things About Portland issue is out now, online and, yes, in PRINT at a coffee shop (or similar establishment) near you. There's an article in there written by a bike freak about why biking in Portland is dope and awesome. You might wanna check it out. (Can you tell I feel awkward about self-promo?) But for real, I'm so glad we could bring this issue to you again for the second year in a row. We love good vibes over here. 

• Brentwood-Darlington and surrounding neighborhoods in lower Southeast Portland are getting a new plan, and you can weigh in on it now before it goes to City Council at the end of the month. If adopted, the plan will shake up the current zoning code and transportation routes in the neighborhood, hopefully giving people more opportunities to bike/walk/ride the bus. HOWEVER...will the plan ruin the neighborhood? Probably not, but some people fear otherwise. Read the Mercury's story for more. 

Former lawmaker Brian Clem to spend $1 million in bid to elect moderate Democrats to Oregon Legislature https://t.co/mZwwrkU5aj

— The Oregonian (@Oregonian) April 17, 2024

• Just four games into this year's season, the Portland Thorns are experiencing a staff shakeup, with head coach Mike Norris being moved to a new role (he'll serve as the club's technical director) and an interim head coach taking over the role while club leaders search for a long-term replacement. Our Abe Asher has all the context about this development. 

Her boyfriend wants permission to hire sex workers. Is this a case of irreconcilable differences? The honorable Dan Savage issues a ruling in this week's SAVAGE LOVE! https://t.co/7GO5xLddrO

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) April 16, 2024

• The Oregon Bureau of Labor and Industries announced yesterday that minimum wage in Portland will rise to $15.95 an hour starting July 1. This announcement had to be made because, unlike the tiered wage system Oregon used before, the minimum wage is now tied to the rate of inflation (apparently 3.5 percent over the past year). Still, according to MIT's living wage calculator, Oregonians without kids need to be making $24.30 to live comfortably. (With kids, the minimum living wage jumps up a lot higher.) 

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS: 

• After the phenomenon that was women's college basketball this past season, all eyes are now on the WNBA draft to see where the absolute ballers will end up (And, to be honest, most of the eyes are particularly focused on No. 1 pick Caitlin Clark). After Clark scored a contract with the Indiana Fever, people started to talk about WNBA salaries and how they compare to NBA pay. Clark's contract sets her up to earn $338,056 over four years, and if you're thinking that's nothing to scoff at, okay—but last year's No. 1 pick in the NBA draft secured a $55 MILLION four-year contract as a rookie with the same experience as Clark. So, yeah. Even President Biden took to social media to talk about this:

Women in sports continue to push new boundaries and inspire us all.

But right now we're seeing that even if you're the best, women are not paid their fair share.

It’s time that we give our daughters the same opportunities as our sons and ensure women are paid what they deserve.

— President Biden (@POTUS) April 16, 2024

The main counterargument here is that the WNBA has traditionally brought in much smaller viewership than the NBA, limiting the league's income from commercials and sponsorships. I guess we all have some personal responsibility here—TBH, I'd never heard of the Indiana Fever before. (To be fair, I also couldn't name the Indiana men's team off the top of my head.) But this kind of pay gap is seriously insane. Caitlin Clark and many of her contemporaries have an immense amount of talent and are incredibly entertaining to watch. Maybe if there wasn't such a self-fulfilling prophecy about the viability of women's sports, they'd be more successful. Okay, stepping off my soapbox now. 

• In today's "no shit, Sherlock" news, a new study says overworking yourself until you're burnt out is bad for you. Specifically, the study says intense work schedules as a young adult can catch up to you later in life, making it more likely you'll be depressed and sick by the time you're 50. Thanks for the info I guess, but what is the average person supposed to do about this? The only shocker here is that the study claims you can stave off depression until middle age—have you seen the state of our younger generations? We are notorious sad sacks. 

•🤔

Trump goes on a weird rant about the battle of Gettysburg and then notes of Robert E Lee that "he's no longer in favor. Did you ever notice that?"pic.twitter.com/hs9GjmCh6K

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) April 14, 2024

• The United Arab Emirates is experiencing the heaviest rain ever recorded in the country, flooding out highways and grounding flights at the Dubai airport. This weather event wasn't entirely natural, though (I mean, if you can count any weather event as "natural" these days, considering how askew our climate is). The storm's severity can be partially attributed to the country's practice of "cloud seeding"—a technique that involves putting chemicals in the atmosphere to take advantage of rain clouds when they appear. (I know that was a terrible explanation. I didn't claim to be an expert in meteorology.) 

"Cloud seeding" has been helpful for addressing the desert nation's water security issues, which are worsening due to global warming, but the region doesn't have proper drainage to combat flooding. The long-term environmental impacts of this practice are also unclear. 

• In news that is good for human health but devastating for hot English musicians, Britain is taking steps to adopt one of the world's toughest anti-smoking policies. The smoking ban would make it illegal to sell cigarettes and other tobacco products to anyone born after 2009—even once they're old enough to buy cigarettes under previous policy. After that, the legal age to buy tobacco in England will raise by one year annually until nobody is legally allowed to purchase it. On a tangential note, I'm amused imagining what the French would do if President Macron tried to implement a similar policy across the English Channel. Guillotines might make a return, that's all I'll say. 

• Finally...apparently, a cat named Tempeh and a pig named Beatrice are best friends. ENOUGH SAID. Happy Wednesday!

they're friends 🥺❤️pic.twitter.com/yMgSyVZTSW

— Why you should have a cat (@ShouldHaveCat) April 13, 2024

The democratization of culture thanks to cheap technology and crowdfunding has long promised a wave of passion projects that might, against all odds, catch fire on a global scale. But to date, that’s only happened sparingly, as such self-produced works either die on the vine or only capture the attention of supporters, loved ones, and folks who find them through pure happenstance. 

It’s a fate that could easily have befallen The People’s Joker. Filmmaker Vera Drew’s poignant, surreal, and hilarious debut feature set in a warped version of the DC Comics Universe was set to make its public debut at the 2022 Toronto International Film Festival but was only allowed one screening due to pressure from Warner Brothers Discovery. 

The intent may have been to stifle this creative vision, but the opposite occurred. The buzz surrounding People’s Joker grew, lead to a hot ticket screening at last year’s Outfest in LA and a deal with Altered Innocence, a LGBTQ+ film distributor bringing Drew’s work to theaters around the US—including our very own Hollywood Theater starting this Friday. 

The other good news is that the hype about the film is entirely warranted. What began as a commission to re-edit Todd Phillips’ 2019 Joker origin story morphed into a brilliant original work using all-too-familiar comic book characters to tell a trans coming-of-age story that sharply skewers the superhero mythos and the gatekeepers / tastemakers of American comedy. 

Drawing from her own experiences and that of co-writer Bri LeRose, Drew plays a young comedian who ventures to Gotham City in hopes of landing a spot in the cast of a Saturday Night Live-like show run by the United Clown Bureau and its overlord Lorne Michaels (who appears in animated form voiced by Maria Bamford). After getting the gig, Drew's character (who at this point still uses her deadname, which is bleeped out) sours on the experience of training under Ra’s Al Ghul (Tim & Eric Awesome Show alum David Liebe Hart). With the help of Penguin (Nathan Faustyn), she opens an indie theater and pursues "anti-comedy."

It is in this new space—and through her first relationship with the ultimately toxic Mr. J, a Suicide Squad-styled Joker portrayed by Kane Distler—that she begins to fully come out as a woman, embracing a new persona of the Joker’s Harlequin, complete with fishnet stockings, luscious green locks, and a glorious eye makeup regime. She launches a reign of terror on the powers that be, even as she tries to process the trauma of growing up in a conservative Midwest town where she was prescribed Smylex, a quick fix drug meant to make its users instantly happy. 

Drew and her team pack a lot into The People’s Joker with live action segments (shot in only five days) nestled in among a mishmash of animation styles. The denseness allows the film to work in references to the various iterations of Batman and the Joker, make some truly vicious and necessary jabs at some of SNL’s current stars, and scatter a ton of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it jokes (a quick cutaway reveals that the Joker’s Harlequin’s cigarette of choice are "queen-sized Fags"). 

Jam-packed as it is, The People’s Joker never loses its focus nor its heart. The ache of a character searching for her true self and finding it through love and art is something that will resonate deeply with audiences, even cis ones. But that the film is telling an entirely trans-centric story is a detail that should be shouted about loudly. It centers the struggles of Drew’s character—and, by proxy, Drew herself—without resorting to the back-patting earnestness that sometimes befalls even well-intentioned films about human experience. The Joker’s Harlequin isn’t interested in making the cis world more comfortable with her and vice versa. She’s accepted who she is. So should you. 

The People’s Joker plays at the Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, Fri April 19 - Thurs April 25, $10-$12, tickets here. And at Tomorrow Theater, 3530 SE Division on Fri May 3, 7 pm, $15, tickets here.

Ten years ago, the US Department of Justice intervened to help reshape and monitor the Portland Police Bureau’s use of force policies. Now, a private firm will be the arbiter of whether police are following the federal government’s guidelines. 

The mayor’s office announced Monday that MPS & Associates was jointly chosen by the city and DOJ to serve as the independent monitor of a settlement agreement between the DOJ and the city of Portland. The arrangement is estimated to cost the city $1.59 million. 

The settlement agreement was approved by a court in 2014, following an alleged pattern of Portland Police Bureau (PPB) using excessive force on people with mental illness. The DOJ said PPB’s behavior violated the civil and constitutional rights of Portlanders. While the city denied the characterization, it agreed to adopt new training related to PPB’s use of force, its crisis intervention tactics and mental health services, as well as “officer accountability and community engagement.”

The settlement agreement also yielded the creation of the Portland Committee on Community-Engaged Policing (PCCEP). PCCEP independently assesses the implementation of the DOJ settlement and facilitates public input on PPB directives.

After years of ongoing monitoring and periodic intervention, the DOJ said last year that the settlement agreement could be overseen by an independent firm. A selection process narrowed down three top candidates, followed by a public town hall last month. One of the top three firms reviewed by the city–DLG Consulting–drew questions and concern from town hall attendees over a previous “Blue Lives Matter” social media post made by the firm’s leader, a former prosecutor. The slogan, which refers to police, became popular among law enforcement circles as the Black Lives Matter movement gained momentum and is often viewed as antithetical to the movement.

During last month’s town hall, each firm took turns answering questions about neutrality, racial bias, and the level of commitment to police accountability.

“Our team is highly cognizant of the progress made over the last decade implementing the reforms outlined by the agreement, and we have a first-hand understanding of how much work goes into such advances,” Mark Smith of Mark P. Smith and Associates (MPS) said of the city and PPB. 

Smith said “community voices” would inform the work his firm does. Smith has spent nearly 20 years doing police oversight work for departments across the country. He’s currently the inspector general for the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD). The inspector general is an independent office tasked with providing oversight of police conduct and investigating complaints against police.

In addition to Smith, the MPS team includes deputy monitor Brian Buchner, assistant inspector general of the LAPD who previously held key roles in the Los Angeles mayor’s office and teaches criminal justice courses at the University of Southern California (USC). Associate monitor Antoinette Edwards will serve on the team alongside Smith and Buchner. Edwards, who lives in Portland, previously served as director of the city’s Youth Violence Prevention office and led the city’s Public Safety and Peacekeeping initiative. Edwards stressed the importance of community engagement in ongoing monitoring.

“From Copwatch, to [Portland Police Association], we need everyone at the table,” she said during last month’s town hall.

In a proposal to the city earlier this year, Smith said if his firm is selected, he’d make it his primary job.

“Mr. Smith intends to focus squarely on the implementation of the Agreement and to devote every bit of time and effort that is called for in order to reach the goal of the Agreement’s successful termination,” MPS’s proposal states.

The firm estimates the first year of monitoring will cost $837,500 for labor, court appearances, compliance assessments and reports, and public town halls. Included in the cost estimate is $35,000 for “travel and lodging.” MPS estimates the second year will cost the city $753,750.

Portland City Council is slated to vote on accepting the bid and contract with MPS on May 2.

I applied for a position posted on my LinkedIn page, a public service job with a major Multnomah County organization. I'm fine with the job I have but since I had most of the listed qualifications I applied out of curiosity. The online application process took me through a number of steps that didn't seem to relate to the job posted, including providing contact information to a recruiting company called Lensa. It was impossible to proceed with the application itself without filling out this info - no Skip button. I've solved the resulting email deluge problem by blocking any message with "Lensa" but it made me wonder: why would a reputable public organization's HR go through a company that uses such aggressive strategies? This is as bad as mail ordering one item, then getting 6 emails a day from the company thereverafter.

The Mercury provides news and fun every single day—but your help is essential. If you believe Portland benefits from smart, local journalism and arts coverage, please consider making a small monthly contribution, because without you, there is no us. Thanks for your support!

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! It's Thursday, April 18, and HOW MANY SLICES OF PIZZA HAVE YOU CRAMMED IN YOUR MOUTH THIS WEEK? Since there are more than 50 local pizza joints participating in the Mercury's PIZZA WEEK (happening right now, but only through Sunday), I hope you've eaten at least 32 of those deee-licious $3 slices! If not? Girrrrrl, you best get to work! And while you're at it, get to work on today's NEWS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Power-famished Commissioner Rene Gonzalez is at it again! This time the wildly unqualified mayoral wannabe (and poster child for Portland's richest and meanest shitheads) wants to put the city's "time, place, and manner" ordinance (AKA the one the city used to unsuccessfully criminalize homelessness) under the complete power of the future mayor... which he thinks will be him! Oh, and he also added this little cruel nugget to his dastardly plan currently under consideration: If the US Supreme Court overturns the Martin v. Boise decision (which rightly restricts camping bans when cities refuse to supply ample shelter), then people who violate his revised ban "could face a $500 fine or up to six months in jail." Fellow business puppets, Commissioners Dan Ryan and Mingus Mapps, are reportedly "considering it." Here's your weekly reminder to VOTE THEM ALL OUT OF OFFICE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.

• Very much related 👀...

Follow up from this previous report:

“Less than a week before Doyle was charged in the pornography case, Portland City Council candidate Rene Gonzalez’s campaign, “Rene For Portland,” had put out a social media notice, saying it was proud to announce that Doyle had endorsed”https://t.co/26W2SQpTKF

— Portland for All (@PDXforAll) April 17, 2024

• Welp, the Portland Police are costing the city taxpayers another cool $1.6 million after Portland was forced to hire an independent monitoring firm to make sure the cops adhere to the DOJ's required "use of force" rules which were put into place after years of police abuse toward those with mental illness. There were a number of firms considered to take over the DOJ's watch—but is the one Portland picked up to snuff? Read our Courtney Vaughn's excellent article and find out for yourself!

Lower SE Portland is home to quiet streets and relatively affordable homes—but at the cost of important infrastructure and commercial amenities. A new city plan aims to course-correct, but residents want to make sure their neighborhoods stay intact. https://t.co/ZfrMjumX6t

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) April 17, 2024

• Governor Tina Kotek has apparently changed her mind about vetoing $14 million for several water infrastructure projects around the state, after originally being concerned that these municipalities weren't doing enough to provide new housing. However, after receiving assurances that they would make housing production a priority, Kotek said she would allow funding to go through—while keeping a suspicious eye on each to make sure they're holding up their ends of the bargain.

• John Schroder, better known as Portland's legendary Elvis impersonator, is reportedly getting evicted from the room he's been renting in a house on North Gantenbein for 22 years, after his landlord announced it was "time for him to leave." His friends have started a GoFundMe account and are on the lookout for a new living situation for the beloved Portland legend.

You may have heard about The People's Joker, the hilarious debut feature from Vera Drew that parodies comic book icons to tell a trans coming out story. Well, it's opening at @HollywoodTheatr this weekend, and it's worth the hype.https://t.co/jnFsdbbwuF

— Portland Mercury 🗞 (@portlandmercury) April 17, 2024

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• Jury selection for the Trump criminal hush money trial continues as one seated juror has already been dismissed for the crime of... *checks notes*... writing a 2017 online post with the words "Lock Him Up!" in reference to the former president, who objectively really should be locked up. Meanwhile another juror was rejected after posting a video of New Yorkers celebrating Joe Biden's 2020 presidential win. (Why will the next juror be rejected? For raising an eyebrow when Trump separated 5000 migrant children from their parents and kept them all in cages? THIS TRIAL IS GONNA TAKE FOREVERRRRRRR.)

• Perp walk:

pic.twitter.com/AAh02WCD4m

— place where animal shouldn’t be (@catshouldnt) April 18, 2024

• Meanwhile, prosecutors in the Trump hush money case say that the former prez has violated his gag order a whopping seven additional times—and that's just since Monday! The judge says he will add that to the growing pile of three previous gag order violations, all of which he will consider next Tuesday. I'm guessing Trump will have racked up about 37 violations total by then. MAKE IT AN EVEN 40, COWARD!

• The shot....

The judge in Donald Trump’s criminal trial ordered reporters to not disclose employment information about potential jurors after he excused a woman who said she was worried about her identity becoming known. https://t.co/UR18xK735t

— The New York Times (@nytimes) April 18, 2024

• And the chaser.

Fox News host Jesse Watters on Tuesday broadcast extensive biographical details about Juror No. 2 — her neighborhood, occupation, education, marital and family status, and what industry her fiance works in.

He concluded by saying, "I'm not so sure about Juror No. 2."

He…pic.twitter.com/PCMMOvnoGw

— Aaron Blake (@AaronBlake) April 18, 2024

• That NPR editor who wrote a critical essay about his employers and company for supposedly stifling conservative coverage, particularly after Trump became president, has resigned from his job, and is probably on the lookout for a new gig at FOX News or The Epoch Times. No word yet on if the door hit his ass on the way out.

• In other employment news, Google has fired 28 employees who were part of a sit-in at their offices in Seattle, New York, and Sunnyvale, California. The workers were protesting the company's contract to provide Israel's government and military with cloud and artificial intelligence services which the country will undoubtedly use to continue their genocide against the Palestinian people. Nine employees were arrested after sitting down and refusing to leave the office of Google Cloud CEO Thomas Kurian.

• And finally... Portlanders kicking away Commissioner Gonzalez' cruel proposals one-by-one.

amazing talent pic.twitter.com/Xk13Y1aHbO

— Enez Özen (@Enezator) April 17, 2024

HOWDY-DO, SMARTY TROUSERS! It's time once again to put your brainy-brain to the test with this week's edition of POP QUIZ PDX—our weekly, local, sassy-ass trivia quiz. And this week, your brain will be tested on the latest Nike scandals, even more Nike scandals... and oh shit... how can Nike have SO MANY SCANDALS? (Lucky you, you love scandals. 😍)

But first, how did you do on the previous quiz? Wow, you guys are SO smart! And I especially liked the majority response for last week's "Subjective Question." (Mayor Wheeler, the people have spoken!)

OKAY, TIME FOR A NEW QUIZ! Take this week's quiz below, take our previous pop quizzes here, and come back next week for a brand spankin' new quiz! (Having a tough time answering this quiz? It's probably because you aren't getting Mercury newsletters! HINT! HINT!) Now crank up that cerebellum, because it's time to get BRAINY!

Create your own user feedback survey

Who's ready to have some fun? Well, the Mercury is here to help with FREE TICKETS to see some of Portland's best concerts and events—our way of saying thanks to our great readers and spread the word about some fantastic upcoming performances! (Psst... if you want to say thanks to the Mercury, please consider making a small monthly contribution to keep us alive and kickin'!) And oh boy, do we have some fun events coming at ya this week! CHECK IT OUT!

• Enter to WIN FREE TICKETS to see The Mission UK on May 1 at the Mission Theater!

In late 1985 Wayne Hussey and Craig Adams left The Sisters Of Mercy and, after enlisting the talents of Simon Hinkler and Mick Brown, formed The Mission. They have a reputation as one of the best and most exciting live bands in the world. Their 2016 album "Another Fall From Grace” has been described as a lost link between The Sisters of Mercy's "First and Last and Always” album and The Mission's own first album, "God's Own Medicine." The album has received unanimous critical acclaim and was the band's first UK Top 40 album in over 20 years! Get your tickets now, or enter to win free tix here!

Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, Wed May 1, 8 pm, $35-$40, 21+

• Enter to WIN FREE TICKETS to see CONVERSATION on April 23 at the Mission Theater!

CONVERSATION are an emerging post hardcore band from Toronto, Ontario. Their sound contains the echoes of early Underoath and Deftones, while still carving out its own punk rock attitude with pop sensibility. CONVERSATION strikes a balance of thoughtful post-hardcore and melodically measured alternative rock, and their ravenously energetic live show is a force to be reckoned with, resulting in anyone seeing them for the first time leaving as new fans. Get your tickets now, or enter to win free tix here!

Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan, Thurs April 23, 8 pm, $15-$20, all ages

• Enter to WIN FREE TICKETS to see Steel Panther on April 25 at the Crystal Ballroom! 

Hailing from Los Angeles, the epicenter for rock 'n' roll in all its debauchery and glamour, Steel Panther has established themselves as the world's premier party band, melding hard rock virtuosity with parody and criminally good looks. Get those tickets now or enter to win here!

Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, Thurs April 25, $30-$45, 21+

GOOD LUCK! Winners will be notified on Monday. Check back next week for more FREE TIX from the Mercury!

I refuse to explain myself and the special needs of my seriously physically disabled son to anyone, because that feeling is humiliating and degrading. So, let’s just say that my son was playing fetch with a couple service dogs on an EMPTY field with easy access to and from a paved parking lot to see if maybe my son might be independent enough to care for a service dog himself. So, next time someone tells you to leave them and their disabled child alone, especially when they are neither hurting anyone nor even remotely bothering anyone, you should probably mind your own @$?&! business and #$@! off. Sure, laws are laws, but ethics are ethics. You failed the ethics test just like all the bigots in the world who currently and historically have harassed POC, women, LGTBQ, and most definitely the disabled - for simply existing in the public sphere. Go crawl under a rock and die, Princess Karen. I hope you get help for your menopause. Gosh, that must be really hard on you.

Nearly 10 years ago, the city of Portland first committed to a Vision Zero plan, setting a goal to eliminate all traffic crash fatalities and serious injuries on Portland’s streets by 2025. That year, the Portland Bureau of Transportation (PBOT) reported 35 traffic crash deaths in Portland. City officials said at the time they didn’t take the rising traffic crash death toll lightly, and were strongly dedicated to the Vision Zero goals. 

It’s now 2024, and traffic crash deaths in Portland are at a 30-year high. According to PBOT’s report on deadly traffic crashes for 2023, 69 people died on Portland’s streets last year. Though fatal crashes have been rising in Portland over the past several years, 2023 was the deadliest year in recent history. This isn’t how the trend is supposed to go—especially not in a city committed to Vision Zero. 

Yesterday, Portland City Council accepted last year’s deadly crash report and adopted the first update to the Vision Zero Action Plan since 2019. Right off the bat, PBOT leaders got ahead of the elephant-in-the-room question on everyone’s minds: Considering how traffic crash deaths are rising so significantly, is Vision Zero working? 

PBOT’s message is that Vision Zero works if you work it. 

“Where we have invested, we have had success,” PBOT Commissioner Mingus Mapps said at the meeting. 

But transportation advocates–who have tried for years to get city officials to take this matter seriously–remain skeptical, at best, about the city’s commitment to Vision Zero and a “safe systems” approach to traffic safety. Many people, having seen or experienced the devastation resulting from preventable traffic crash deaths, no longer believe PBOT leaders are doing all they can to stop this scourge. 

“There is no question that Portland's Vision Zero Program has been an abject failure. Given its abysmal track record, it is reasonable to conclude that it will continue to be a failure,” Sarah Risser, a local transportation safety activist, wrote in public testimony to City Council ahead of the April 17 meeting. “I am under the very strong impression that Portland's Vision Zero program exists to signal a desire for zero road fatalities and, by doing so, allow leaders to evade the hard work that is needed to realize its goal.” 

Many of the details of the 2023 Vision Zero fatalities report will be familiar to those who have followed the increased deadly crashes in Portland over the past few years. But before examining trends, the report points out the 69 people who died on Portland’s streets last year are more than mere statistics. 

“Those killed by traffic violence this year were children, siblings, parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, neighbors, and friends,” the report states. “Our city mourns those lost. We can and must do better.” 

The majority of people who died in traffic crashes in 2023 were in a motor vehicle (32 people), and 11 people were on motorcycles. Another 24 people were classified by PBOT as pedestrians, which includes walking as well as using a mobility device, skateboard, or e-scooter, and two were on bicycles. 

While deaths occurred all over the city, the majority were concentrated in areas that have historically been the site of the most crashes. About 75 percent of traffic deaths occurred on Portland’s busiest streets, which make up the city’s “high crash network,” and many of those were in East Portland. Crashes are more likely to occur on wide streets with four or more travel lanes—it takes longer to cross these streets while walking or on a bike, and drivers are more likely to speed on wide roadways. Traffic violence also disproportionately impacts Portland’s Black community. 

The traffic crash report highlights “persistent trends” that have endured over several years related to traffic fatalities. These include speeding (the report states 87 percent of traffic deaths happen on streets with speed limits of 30 miles per hour or more, when those make up only 8 percent of Portland’s streets), increased pedestrian deaths, deaths occurring in low-light conditions (at night or early in the morning), and impaired driving. 

Another trend is the disproportionate impact of traffic violence on homeless people. In 2021, the Portland Police Bureau started tracking the housing status of people who died in crashes. Last year, half of the pedestrians who were killed were identified as homeless. 

“These statistics speak to the extreme risks of persistent exposure to traffic, often on high-speed streets,” the report states. 

PBOT leaders told the council that, while they recognize the rising traffic violence crisis, it’s important to highlight some of the recent progress as well—further emphasizing the message that the Vision Zero program is successful when PBOT is able to fully invest in it. 

Dana Dickman, PBOT’s traffic safety section manager, said Vision Zero “is working when we have been able to make changes on our streets.” 

“If you see a street that hasn’t been changed at all in 10 years, we’re not going to expect to see different safety outcomes than we’ve had over the last few decades,” Dickman said.

The 2023-2025 Vision Zero update acknowledges the “brutal fact” that traffic crash deaths have increased significantly since the first action plan was adopted in December 2016. But it also says PBOT has accomplished several major safety gains. 

Dickman cited a few specific examples of recent PBOT projects she said have made a positive impact on safety, including on Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard, Southwest Beaverton Hillsdale Highway, and outer Southeast Division Street. 

Not all the streets in Portland are within PBOT’s jurisdiction. Data show 25 percent of traffic crash deaths in 2023 took place on streets operated by the Oregon Department of Transportation (ODOT), like Southeast Powell Boulevard and North Lombard Street, where the city is limited in its ability to make infrastructure changes. 

But PBOT Director Millicent Williams said the state agency is also committed to Vision Zero on its streets. 

“There is significant work that ODOT is doing,” Williams said. “They are committed to ensuring we’re creating safety across the network that we both share and that they are responsible for managing independently.” 

PBOT’s messaging was disappointing to transportation safety advocates who hoped the bureau would take more responsibility for its shortcomings. Considering the marked rise in traffic crash deaths, they believe the city needs to commit to taking much more radical action if leaders are serious about turning things around.

“For years, advocates have been sounding the alarm on the worsening epidemic of traffic violence in our community and proposing solutions which have been ignored by the City Council,” Sarah Iannarone, executive director of nonprofit The Street Trust, said in a press release. “Of course the problem continues to worsen.” 

The Street Trust proposed several actionable steps the city could take to combat traffic crash deaths. The recommendations included: 

• Limiting speed limits to 20 mph on the entire high crash network;
• “Aggressively accelerate installing infrastructure” including banning car parking within 20 feet of intersections (a concept known as “daylighting” intersections);
• Investing in more automated traffic enforcement, and supporting efforts to fund safety projects on state-owned roads in next year’s legislative session

Overall, Portland transportation advocates want to see the city do better. But history shows they shouldn’t hold their breath.

“Our organization wants to be excited and supportive. But I also want to be really honest, the reality of our streets is not a surprise. We've seen the numbers go up and up and up every year for many years,” Zachary Lauritzen, the interim executive director at transportation safety nonprofit Oregon Walks, said. 

Lauritzen also asked the city to get on board with upcoming opportunities to improve safety on the streets, including forthcoming plans to reconstruct Northeast Sandy Boulevard and 82nd Avenue. 

“If today turns out to be an inflection point in change, we will be thrilled. But as an advocate, I want to note we’ve been here before,” Lauritzen continued. “We’ve been at somber events, we’ve been at memorials where we say the work is important…that loss of life is terrible. And yet, here we are again.” 

Rap’s auto-tune auteur Future is coming to Portland with Metro Boomin to support their second collaborative album, We Still Don't Trust You. Art rock experimentalist St. Vincent has unveiled dates for her All Born Screaming tour with alt-rock favorites Spoon. Plus, corny dad joker Kevin Hart will attempt maturity on his Acting My Age tour. Read on for details on those and other newly announced events, plus some news you can use.

Tickets go on sale at 10 am unless otherwise noted.

MUSIC

Alejandro Escovedo
Wonder Ballroom (Fri July 26)

Ana Bàrbara: Reina Grupera Tour 2024
Newmark Theatre (Sat Aug 10)

The Aristocrats: The Duck Tour 2024
Aladdin Theater (Fri Aug 23)
On sale at noon